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Come on military, naming operations shouldn't be complicated. If you can't do it yourself, hire the guy who named Metallica tours in the '80s. We'd bet the troops would feel pretty close to indestructible riding into battle as a part of "Operation Ride the Lighting."

Instead they're asked to rally behind these monuments to self-parody. These are all real names of military operations. And besides the few times we specify otherwise, they're brought to you courtesy of our very own American military. USA! USA!

25Operation Beastmaster

What Was It?

Cleared three large neighborhoods in Baghdad.

Sounds Like:

Someone watched a lot of late night HBO in the '80s.

24Operation Deliverance

What Was It?

1993 Canadian mission to Somalia.

Sounds Like:

" ... and introducing Canada as Ned Beatty."

23Operation Viking Snatch

What Was It?

Mission to disrupt weapons smuggling.

Sounds Like:

Sure it's scary. Months at sea. Little hygiene down there. But not the kind of scary we're looking for.

22Operation Enduring Freedom

What Was It?

Official name used by the U.S. Government for a military campaign in the global war on terrorism

Sounds Like:

The part of the war on terror that fights against unsightly pantylines.

21Operation Liberty Shield

What Was It?

2003 Department of Homeland Security operations to enhance security at U.S. installations.

Sounds Like:

" ... and not one accidental pregnancy during the entire operation."

20Operation Elfin Cove

What Was It?

Counter-insurgency operation in Iraq.

Sounds Like:

Mordor is invading Rivendell!

19Operation Power Geyser

What Was It?

2005 military security support to the 2005 presidential inauguration.

Sounds Like:

What the liberal half of the nation's collective ass felt like.

18Operation Block Party

What Was It?

Alongside Iraqi military, 100 Marines search Fallujah.

Sounds Like:

The most transparent bait and switch any army recruiter ever tried to pull on a high school dropout.

17Operation Able Warrior

What Was It?

Operation west of Baghdad to disrupt car bombing.

Sounds Like:

"Hey, now, we never claimed to be superior soldiers. Merely adequate."

16Operation All-American Tiger

What Was It?

2003 attempt to capture Saddam Hussein's associates.

Sounds Like:

The #4 on Chinese takeout menu.

15Operation Operation Rapier Thrust

What Was It?

2004 Iraq mission classified either because of sensitive information or embarrassment by all involved.

Sounds Like:

What happened when they let the gay Ivy Leaguer name the missions.

14Operation Jaws V

What Was It?

Disrupting insurgent mortar attacks.

Sounds Like:

Whoever named this mission didn't see Jaws IV.

13Operation Seahorse

What Was It?

Mission to deter illicit activity along Iraqi border.

Sounds Like:

"Guys I think I know why they laughed at us for Jaws V. The sea creature we named it after was too damn big."

12Operation Nickel Grass

What Was It?

1973 American airlift to Israel during 1973 Yom Kippur War.

Sounds Like:

It's true, weed was cheap back then.

11Operation Bold Action

What Was It?

Mission to provide more security near Tarmiya in Iraq.

Sounds Like:

What the power strip takes against dampness and odor, according to Bam Margera.

10Operation Rainbow

What Was It?

2004 Israeli incursion into Gaza Strip

Sounds Like:

The Israeli PR agency wanted this to be seen as a friendlier, happier incursion into the Gaza Strip.

9Operation Focus

What Was It?

Successful mission to find weapons cache in Iraq.

Sounds Like:

The last thing you want to hear the guy diffusing the bomb yell at himself.

8Operation Thundercat

What Was It?

Mission to disrupt Baghdad insurgency.

Sounds Like:

Cheap way of scoring laughs on a humor website, less effective way to convince people to risk their lives.

7Operation Exercise Unified Spirit

What Was It?

Biannual NATO operation trains international forces to work together.

Sounds Like:

It was named at a high school pep rally, and "Operation Good Hustle, Guys" was deemed too casual.

6Operation Safe Neighborhood

What Was It?

Mission to make markets safer for Iraqis.

Sounds Like:

Report of music being played too loud. Teenagers told to keep it down. Mission accomplished.

5Operation Punisher III

What Was It?

Counter of surge in Al Anbar province in Iraq.

Sounds Like:

Dolph Lundgren was too stoic and Thomas Jane just never sold us.

4Operation Woodshed

What Was It?

Iraqi mission killed 11 terrorists.

Sounds Like:

"Feel vaguely ill at ease about what we have in store for you, enemy."

3Operation Beaver Cage

What Was It?

Swift Boat operation in Vietnam.

Sounds Like:

Ladies and gentleman, the results are in and we have a unanimous winner in the category of "military operation most likely to also be a porno catering to a vaguely frightening fringe fetish." However, the Swift Boat captains couldn't compete in the category of "most homoerotic mission name," which went to ...

2Operation Mustang Flex

What Was It?

Mission to deny insurgents sanctuary.

Sounds Like:

The fact that this is quite possibly the greatest name for a gay porn star ever concocted, and the implication of horse sex would have made this a shoo-in for "the most frightening name to think about in a sexual context that resists any other thought train" if it weren't for our winner ...

1Operation Grizzly Forced Entry

What Was It?

Who cares?

Sounds Like:

...

If you enjoyed that, check out our rundown of The World's 16 Least Inspiring Flags. And be sure to check out today's video which shows you what happens When Dramatic Reenactments Go Wrong. Or find out why Dan O'Brien should be your choice to replace his older brother Conan in about his latest column in which he refers to himself as the Jesus Christ of boning.

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