6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

Words, Nerds and Turds: The Cracked Round-Up!

See, we've got "Words" because of an article about the evolution of common sayings, and we've got "Turds" because of an article about Larry King and American Idol. As for the nerds, well, you'll just have to read the entire round-up to find out. Mystery!


This week, Chris Bucholz makes fun of French cops on Rollerblades, and Gladstone becomes an real author! Meanwhile, Swaim, is Ross, and Ross is Swaim and chaos is everywhere!



WHATCHUTALKINBOUT, EVERYONE?!
The Bizarre History of 10 Common Sayings
There's a lot more spousal abuse referenced in this article than you'd think.

Notable Comment: TheMan.com summed up the comments section pretty nicely: "*Insert random jackass contradictary fact pulled from wikipedia here." Thanks, TheMan.com.



BEATS SCIENTOLOGY!
6 Insane Cults (That Would Probably Be A Lot of Fun)
There just isn't enough sex-robot recognition in all of the mainstream religions and, frankly, we're sick of it.

Notable Comment: AceJustice says "if this site has taught me anything, its that 'hey baby, wanna fuck on a spaceship to neptune' occasionally works as a pickup line." Glad to see we're really making a difference.



GO TO HELL, TALLMINGLE!
The 5 Most Ill-Advised Dating Sites on the Web
Really, Cracked.com is the only safe and responsible website to find your soul mate. That'll be $900.

Notable Comment: HannahMontana says "the boyz @ stdmatch.com are soooooo cute!!" Gross.



LARRY KING'S A DOUCHE!
10 Things That Pissed Me Off About CNN The Other Night
Gladstone's mad as hell, but is he going to take it anymore? Find out!

Notable Comment: Lex, (as in, Friedman) says "You're fired." You'll be missed, Gladstone. (Kind of.)



ATTENTION FATTIES!
Sticks to Stools: 7 Random Objects Sold as Exercise Machines
Get over yourself. It's a fucking stool.

Notable Comment: CodyCastor says "I'm going to find some people jumping on a trampoline and piss on them. I bet I lose at least a little bit of weight." Whether or not you lose weight, we guarantee that you can sell that concept to FIRM.



SCIENCE BLOWS!
6 Formerly Kickass Creatures Ruined by Evolution
Sloths are nature's greatest shame.

Notable Comment: Jcdent says "Thank you, cracked, for yet again showing that it isn't safe to be outside. The sloth part itself nearly killed me as i almost choked on an apple while giggling." That's right. Stay inside. Check out some websites. (Send money to the websites.) Websites like Cracked, for example.

YOU YOU YOU!
20 Celebrity-Endorsed Products Too Awesome to Exist
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about The Most Ill-Conceived Horror Movie Monsters and you can be.




Sexy new theme music and overuse of the word "douchebag?" Sounds like The Week in Douchebaggery! Douche!


WINNERS!The Craption Contest!
Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

4.10.08:

In Texas everying is bigger, In Iowa everything is just fucking retarded.
by dpduder

Editor's pick:

Pixar was quickly running out of ideas.
by Bell110

4.9.08:

Well come on now, if your countries population exceeds a billion sometimes you have to take drastic measures -- sometimes you have to play pool outdoors.
by london

Editor's pick:

You know what I hate about ribcages? They're a bitch to stack.
by Superhal

4.8.08:

Run, forest, run!
by enigmango

Editor's pick:

Oh, so The Rolling Stones do gather moss.
by Gunho

4.7.08:

Excuse me, does anyone have any baseball cards so I can sound like a motorcycle?
by GoatimusPrime

Editor's pick:

I wonder why no one has noticed my new cane?
by gourmetemu

4.6.08:

A threesome's a threesome
by Sebastian

Editor's pick:

A knock came to the door. Ester froze. The gang members were early and grandma still hadn't coughed up the heroin balloons.
by Fairview

4.5.08:

PULL!
by bunnylefevre

Editor's pick:

A deleted scene from E.T., where E.T. realized he didn't need Eliot and left him high and dry.
by LardLad

4.4.08:

"The good news is we found your kids..."
by Corpsy

Editor's pick:

Ah the old Guatemalan "leave a massive fake snake and drive off with the trucks while your friends take a picture" prank. Classic every time.
by rob329

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

7 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Popular Videos

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!