6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

Presidents, Penises and Everything in Between: The Round-Up!

Every so often, a site comes along that's bold enough to publish articles detailing lies you've been fed your entire life in an effort to undo some of the damage that America's white-washed history textbooks have done. Folks, we are that site.

Also, every so often, a site comes along with nothing better to do than publish articles about where to find the best mail-order bride, or articles that make fun of other cultures for worshiping things that kind of look like dicks.

(That's us, too.)

We're Cracked.com, folks, and we're happy to earn and lose your respect in the same week.


This week, Chris Bucholz has all the dirt on Vogue's new possibly racist LeBron James cover story, Gladstone has an exclusive interview with Oliver Stone, Swaim, worried that Vogue was trying to out-racist him, makes fun of Mexicans and emo kids, and Ross laments the current state of comedy. Also, if you've got spare cash, help get Dan O'Brien out of prison.



LET'S BONE SCIENCE!
The 10 Craziest Scientific Experiments Ever Conducted
And we thought working for Cracked was the most you could get paid for sitting around bullshitting. We should've been scientists.

Notable Comment: Prime_pm says "This site is better than Wikipedia. I love it" Hear that, Wikipedia? Did you fucking hear that!? Eat Shit, Wikipedia, you're done.



BUY MY WIFE, PLEASE!
Liberal Guilt Justified: 6 Creepy Mail Order Bride Websites
Cracked will be selling Cracked-Brand Husbands beginning in July. Pre-order yours today!

Notable Comment: RockinDave says "HO-LY SHIT. Elena is hands down the hottest girl I've ever seen, on any website, in any film, in real life, or anywhere else. There could be a planet called "HotBabe World" and the women there wouldn't be as attractive." Hey, HotRussianBrides, can we get, like, a finder's fee or something on this one? Pretty sure we just sent a sale your way.



LIES LIES LIES!
The 5 Most Ridiculous Lies You Were Taught in History Class
But George Washington was really a cyborg, right?

Notable Comment: AnderX says "*dick joke*" and he nailed it!



THAT SODA MACHINE HAS FEET!
13 Self Defense Items That Probably Won't Help
Every member of the Cracked editorial staff owns at least eight household items that are also shotguns. It's a dangerous business.

Notable Comment: Shat says "This stuff would really help my superhero career along. I am the night." Yes, officers, he's armed with a stun gun, probably dressed as a vending machine and he calls himself the night. No problem, happy to help.



RI-DICK-ULOUS!
5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises
Cracked.com gives you the education your high school teachers were too afraid to give you.

Notable Comment: Firecrotch says "So... many... penises..." So... little... time? Gross.



YOU YOU YOU!
The 25 Most Horribly Ill-Conceived Breakfast Cereal Ideas
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about Celebrity Products Too Awesome to Exist.




The most important news show on the internet features a brand new co-anchor, Oren Katzeff! Join he and Lex as they run down the biggest douche bags of the week! It's the news, idiot!


WINNERS!The Craption Contest!
Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

4.3.08:

Fuck my life.
by gamefreakjohnny

Editor's pick:

Dad's in an elf costume driving a sawblade wheeled park bench while a construction gopher gives himself an eye exam... The NyQuil must be working.
by Corpsy

4.2.08:

If that guy had REAL superpowers, he'd summon a Guinness.
by bunnylefevre

Editor's pick:

Coors Light! 'Cause if it tasted good, you might be too drunk to fight the undead.
by goodapollo

4.1.08:

After the fact, Sally felt degraded that Rick made her ask for more mayonaise.
And now I feel dirty, too. Thanks, Cracked.

by Lardlad

Editor's pick:

"Oh shit he's got a hostage, take the shot. Greenlight."
"Greenlight, taking the shot"

by rob329

3.31.08:

God, put the seat up! Pigs are such men.
by Lardlad

Editor's pick:

I guess I'm not the only one who pees blue in frantic,short sequences. I don't know if I'm releived or upset.
by newnailbed

3.30.08:

Yes there is the guy in costume on a crazy fish-bike. But the really funny part of the picture is the bald guy who actually thinks that girl will sleep with him later.
by Kitty420

Editor's pick:

"...until one day lightning struck a garbage can full of Free AOL CDs, and life was born."
by LardLad

3.29.08:

A couple of kids do it and it's all cute and shit. I do it in line at Starbucks, and everyone's all "Run" this and "Police" that.
by Roland1232

Editor's pick:

"Damn. Bologna sandwich again. What'd you get?"
by planB

3.28.08:

She's enjoying it, but the monkey's obviously had better.
by Corpsy

Editor's pick:

Unfortunately, due to severe budget cuts, it was to be CSI Miami's last season.
by Kitty420

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