Some articles demand a profound introduction. Others ... not so much. If we were a different website we might use this space to talk about how America is the biggest penis-worshiping-religion of them all. But we're not that website (in case yesterday's bowl of penises didn't tip you off). We assure you, this is no metaphor. You will find no pop psychology or vaguely phallic imagery in this article. These are religions that worship human penises. Learn from them.
The Lingam is the symbol of a very special part of the Hindu god Shiva's body. (Hint: It's his cock.) Within the trinity of Hinduism, Shiva is the god of destruction and change. How much of that destruction is wrought with his four arms and how much comes from his manhood? We leave that to the reader to decide.
In Hindu mythology, when Shiva is killed, the goddess Kali squats over his body, rips out and eats his organs, and then mounts his still erect manrod to complete the cycle of creation. It's also worth noting that in most Hindu art and temples, his "linga" is usually depicted without the rest of him, the disembodied member being worshiped all by itself:
The object in the foreground is a "yoni" (literally: vagina) and they are most often shown together, in full penetration:
How Big Is It?
Huge. Out of a billion or so Hindus in the world, about 100 million belong to various sects that focus on Shiva, Kali and the giant Lingam.
On Your Knees:
Worshiping the linga is pretty straightforward. First, you have to make it wet, either by pouring water or milk over it. Then just say your prayers and meditate. Smaller, pocket-sized lingas should be held in the hand and rubbed while meditating, and you're well on your way to a religious experience.
4Mara Kannon Shrine, Tawarayama Japan
According to legend, about 450 years ago two local politicians in Tawarayama had such a hate-on for each other that eventually the feud came to death threats. In order to protect his family, a Mr. Oji disguised his son as a girl and hid him in the local shrine. Eventually the other guy, Mr. Sue, found the boy, cut off his head, and to prove his identity (a head isn't enough?) also severed the boy's penis.
Hearing about the killing, the locals immediately took to making wood and ceramic phalluses, to replace the boy's missing member (at this point, you have to wonder if the boy would have benefited more from a prosthetic head, but back to the story). Discovering the joy of making cocks, the locals just never stopped, eventually getting into a cock arms race with each other. Today, the woods surrounding the shrine are forested with as many stone boners as trees, all pointing gloriously up to the heavens above.
How Big Is It?
Quite respectable, thank you very much. The shrine sees thousands of visitors each year. Mostly tourists, they come from nearly every country to see the forest o' phalli, some of which stand five feet tall. The shrine is a popular destination for men suffering from erectile problems, and is even more popular with their wives.
On Your Knees:
In addition to the usual Shinto ceremony of bowing and praying, worshipers can buy smaller--and by smaller we mean life-sized--ceramic dongs to place in the shrine as an offering. After many years and thousands of visitors, the shrine is currently overflowing with them. Also, for best results, be sure to write your prayers and wishes on your cock.
Now, see if you can guess which country made our list twice.