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A Cracked Round-Up AND a New Holiday!
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And just like that, Black History Month is over. Personally, we're still recovering from last night's Black-History-Month/Leap-Day Underwear Party. It was pretty wild. Anyway, it's March, which means we can finally get the respect we deserve as the world celebrates Cracked History Month. All month long, we'll be recognizing people and things that have had an influence and impact on the Cracked cause. Dicks, for example. Where would we be without dicks? While we're sitting around making papier-mache dick tributes, you can kick-off Cracked History Month the right way, with a friggin' round-up! Mike Swaim, perpetuating his role as the internet's foremost source for academic discourse regarding pornography, waxes philosophical on Gene Simmons' sex tape. In an incredibly rare move for the Cracked blog, Chris Bucholz reports on stuff that might actually be considered newsworthy. Returning to form, Ross has a video about The Sexman. Is it disturbing or endearing? You decide! Or, instead, just do your part in the war on Hannah Montana.
Notable Comment: Who? says "Woah. I've had tonsil stones for the past few months, and first time it happened my drug addled paranoid mind had me thinking it was cancer or heart disease of something. I went to the doc who told me it was 'food particles' but I didnt believer her, cos b)how could food look and smell that terrible and b)she was a woman. But now, I can put my mind at ease. Thanks Cracked!" This is a lesson for everybody. If you're experiencing any problems of any kind, consult Cracked immediately.
Notable Comment: Steveysteve says "I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. I'm going to give her the wedding of her dreams. And then, for the honeymoon, I'm going to take her to Bon Bon Land and watch a giant dog fart in her face." Man, Steveysteve gets it, you know? The man just gets it.
Notable Comment: Anon says "I was expecting to see Catch 22 on the list. All well." Now you listen here and you listen good, Anon: You take that back this god damn second or you'll never walk again. Catch-22 is a damn good book. A damn good book. In fact, you've inspired us to write an article of the "Top 11 Reasons We'd Rather Save a Used Copy of Catch-22 Than Anon In the Event of a Fire." Moving on.
Notable Comment: Alpharat complains "This and other Old World stories always give the wolf a bad end. Bears get to be the good guy, why not wolves?" Oh we totally agree. We won't rest, in fact, until all of America's children learn that bears and wolves are to be loved, respected and touched often.
Notable Comment: Howabominable says "If the auto-tune is what's responsible for Hannah Montana, I vote we all band together and raid the recording studios, leaving a path of auto-tuned destruction in our wake. This does not fly!" Looking for a way to make it into the round-up? Here's a hint: Making fun of Hannah Montana does not go unnoticed.
This week on the most important news source on the internet, we call Rosie O'Donnell an elephant. Again! Also, Lex discusses the Oscars and his controversial new haircut. Finally, we've got the week in douchebaggery. It's the news for people who think douchebags and the intricacies of Lex's stylistic decisions are incredibly important. |
Scientology is ... Nice
Sleep Jerk to Piss Shivers: 5 Body Mysteries Explained
The 9 Most Baffling Theme Parks From Around the World
5 Books That Can Actually Make You Stupider
The Gruesome Origins of 5 Popular Fairy Tales
6 Music Industry Tricks That Must Die
Movie Merchandise Too Awesome To Exist
2.28.08:
"I'M YOU!!! From the FUTURE!!!"
by crispy
Editor's pick:
"Hey! You got a wrench? I want to remove the seat."
by randychico
2.27.08:
Even with all of these cameras, Steve still couldn't catch the asshole who kept leaving shoe prints on the roof of his van.
by Concresence
Editor's pick:
The exact opposite of the center of attention.
by Sarcasticus
2.26.08:
How small businesses are born.
by Corpsy
Editor's pick:
Little black building was pissed when he showed up with his half of the mustache grown and other building had completely forgot.
by buttcleaner
2.25.08:
The most entertaining part is when she laughs hard enough, milk squirts out their noses.
by Corpsy
Editor's pick:
Mardi Gras is a great time to find our your breast implants are haunted.
by yahoo
2.24.08:
He realized the irony of suffering from erectile dysfunction while being made entirely of wood, and it only added to his frustration.
by Corpsy
Editor's pick:
The Amish version of 'Transformers'.
by vonblaze
2.23.08:
I can't think of anything.... humerus! Eh? Eh?
by LardLad
Editor's pick:
Finally, definitive proof that early humans were nothing more than heads on sticks.
by assassassin
2.22.08:
Aaaaaaaand.....Jazz Hands!
by muttley
Editor's pick:
In Soviet Russia moth swats you! Seriously. Things very bad here with giant moths after Chernoybl. Please send help.
by Lewis
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Mention in the round up again? Hell yeh motherfuckers. Now the entire internet can see how fucked up my spelling, punctuation and typing skills are.
I made it into the round up? Time to die happy!
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The editor's pick for the bike one wasn't NEARLY as funny as "I'M YOU! FROM THE FUTURE!" That still has me rolling.
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Posted: 7/8/2008 3:18:10 AM
Post Subject: You will have sex with a robot, and it will be perfectly cool: Scientists.
An artificial intelligence expert by the name of David Levy has recently predicted that within the next 40 years, robots will have advanced to the point where they'll be so similar to humans in appear ...
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DISCLAIMER: All characters, names and places used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comment, criticism, parody, pointing out political and/or social injustice or any other purpose through which humanity is held up to the ridicule it frequently deserves. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in CRACKED fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.
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MLE05
"But, really, if you're reading Cracked, you're not on your way to a Nobel Prize or anything anyway..." I'll show you all. In my Nobel acceptance speech for geniosity in mathematics, I'll mention Cracked... somehow..