Since as far back as the silent film era, Lloyd's of London has been dishing out insurance policies on celebrity body parts, to any and every performer vain enough to believe their career would come to a crashing halt if they got a scar on the finger they play the banjo with.
Granted, in some cases it's money well spent. Bruce Springsteen's voice should be insured dammit. But other times, it's shit like this ...
David Lee Roth's Sperm: $1,000,000
During his '80s heyday, David Lee Roth proved himself to be possibly the most forward-thinking rocker of all time by taking out a $1,000,000 policy on his sperm. But unlike the other insurance seeking celebs, who feared that their various appendages and orifices would fail at some point, Dave was concerned about just the opposite. His policy would pay him $1,000,000 if one of his swimmers had the nerve to take hold in the baby making parts of some random groupie, thus resulting in a bank account-draining paternity suit.
No way was Diamond Dave parting with his cash in such an unseemly manner. Should he be unfortunate enough to be strapped with the title of baby daddy, Lloyd's of London would dish out a hefty $1,000,000 to make it all better. Presumably, the money was to be spent half on paying off the chick and half on mountains of coke to ease the guilt that comes with scattering fatherless kids all around the globe.
Was It Worth It?
Of course! Just as a rock and roll frontman adept at rocking flamboyantly-colored spandex outfits and high-flying martial arts maneuvers with equal precision should, Dave floated through the '80s on an ocean of anonymous poontang. Having to come out of pocket with a wad of loot every time the bag broke could've left the man destitute. Dave cut this nasty predicament off at the pass by taking the term "protected sex" to awesome new heights. The man was a goddamned visionary.
What he should have gotten:
It's a pretty safe bet that, as a rocker fully expecting to hit the road and partake in the waves of in-the-sack action that comes with the territory, Dave stood no chance of landing any kind of health insurance policy. Dave should have probably considered adding a clause to the Lloyd's of London policy that protected him from the nasty little side effects that can result from anonymous, drug-fueled sex romps, should he wake up some morning and find his penis oozing a substance that eats a hole in his floor like the blood from the creatures in Alien.