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5 Ways Hollywood Tricks You Into Seeing Bad Movies

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#4.
The T&A Smash

According to science, nearly 50 percent of the world's population are huge fans of erections. If all else fails, producers can always try to draw in the audience with the promise of good ol' fashioned soft-core pornography.

King Arthur
Is the female lead leaving your film's posters a little, um, flat? No problem. They're lucky we live in an era where an 11-year-old can give Margaret Thatcher a dog's face (and even manipulate the picture too, hiyoo!).

Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's comedy/drama about rock in the '70s was aimed squarely at middle-aged Americans who traded in their vinyl records for pleated khakis and a mortgage. Studio executives apparently didn't think Baby Boomer nostalgia would translate overseas, so they created an international poster that spoke the universal language of "jailbait."

S1m0ne
Free-floating technophobia rarely spawns two hours of cohesive cinema, and this story of a computer-generated starlet is no exception. Fortunately, the poster promises plenty of boobies to make up for it!

In the actual film, Simone not only fails to appear clothing-impaired, but an aging Pacino remotely controls her every move. There's no better remedy for arousal then seeing Al Pacino attempt to mince seductively.



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OK-I did press *stop* halfway through #5

Is that considered an Internet virtual movie theater walkout?

Good god we may never know-owing to the fact that I didn't even actually move, but I clicked a mouse button.

Hmmm-that movie doth didns't seemuth sucketh much.

I, however, seem to be recovering from it's suckingness.

I believe it gave me cancer.

Posted on 12/29/2008 2:52:10 AM

Erm. So I'm a little bit guilty of the whole bait and switch thing in relation to Sweeny Todd. Pre-movie, it was a play., On a stage. With real people. My boyfriend...not so much on the musicals. So I told him we were going to see a play about a serial killer. And (much like the movie, I may add) I left out the whole singing bit (the movie cut half of the damn songs). But it all worked out okay, like the movie did. So I guess the moral of the story is...it's sometimes okay to smudge the truth of the content of a show.

Posted on 12/5/2008 5:49:51 AM

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Posted on 12/2/2008 4:42:07 AM

good for you

Posted on 11/30/2008 1:12:25 PM

Sweeney Todd is the greatest movie in the entire freaking world and if you don't like it then thats just too bad. It isn't even REMOTELY like Pirates of the Caribbean. It is beautiful, touching and heartfelt. Does the story of a barber, sent away so that a judge can rape his wife, sound like running aroud drunk trying to kill some octapus face? No.Just because it has blood and killing in it doesn't make it "gothic". The movie is 200 thousand times better than anything I have ever seen. If you don't like my comment, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it, and don't even bother replying with nasty comments.

Posted on 11/28/2008 5:42:54 PM

http://bux.to/?r=Requin join and earn for presents

Posted on 11/26/2008 12:13:41 PM

Sweeney Tod wasn't really a bad movie, especially when you compare it to some of the other musicals that have come out recently.

*shudder*

Posted on 11/25/2008 4:01:03 PM

The PirateXXX was better than the actual third movie, too.

Posted on 10/16/2008 11:34:52 PM

that Margaret thatcher joke made me LOL!

Posted on 10/13/2008 7:46:57 PM

calling someone stupid cuz they disagree with your opinion of a movie. not a mature way of doing things. now i'll throw a rock at you and we'll go tell our mommies.

Posted on 10/10/2008 12:50:44 PM

.

Posted on 10/3/2008 7:46:24 AM

He didn't necessarily say they were bad. He just said they give the wrong impression of genres. And how many of us really keep up with Broadway Musicals?

Posted on 10/1/2008 10:25:01 AM

ok so I agree with the bad movies except Sweeney Todd. It was a musical first on Broadway and if you're too stupid to know that's what it is then you shouldn't see it. Also it was awesome.

Posted on 10/1/2008 8:53:00 AM

Bad movies are the life blood of society. Without bad movies what would we talk about at the watercooler/coffee pot?

Posted on 9/4/2008 11:49:55 AM

You wouldn't be tricked into seeing bad movies if you actually took the time to research the movies you are watching. The whole Sweeney Todd thing, for example... Some people didn't realize it was a musical.. Some people didn't realize how graphic it was... But with a little reasearch and a little reading of magazine articles, you can find out so much about what to expect. I think people just need to tune in more and realize how deceiving posters and previews can be.

Posted on 8/29/2008 6:27:35 PM

Too bad that Sweeney Todd originated as a comic strip type of thing in England newspapers, evolved into an actual story with a more substantial storyline, was made into a musical, THEN found it's way to Hollywood. Yeah, such a gothic POTC.

Posted on 8/11/2008 4:41:34 PM

hayleehavok, the only reason you're whining is because chances are you ARE in fact one of those kids that shops at Hot Topic.

If you had any common sense at all you'd understand why the author made that joke.

Posted on 7/9/2008 5:35:47 PM

hayleehavok, you're an idiot. Try reading the article again, and if you still don't get why they said that go immediately to a reading comprehension course. Honestly!

Posted on 7/2/2008 5:12:23 PM

"Why, it's Pirates of the Caribbean for the Hot Topic crowd!"

As a theater student this offends me, I'm pretty sure the ORIGINAL STAGE MUSICAL came out long before Hot Topic. Or at least, before Hot Topic got emo.

Posted on 7/2/2008 1:59:33 PM

The Love Guru looked like it sucked snyways. Not funny at all!

Posted on 6/29/2008 6:24:02 AM

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