How does one describe the layered horror that is eBay? Look long enough and you'll find an item that the mere knowledge of its existence brings shock and dismay. Then, you must cope with the fact that the seller thought we would be willing to pay good money for it, and then come to terms with the fact that usually they're right.
Here are some that almost had us bidding out of sheer, morbid curiosity.
12The CB-6000 Male Chastity Contraption
Oh God, this one doesn't look good at all. That's right, it's the CB-6000 male chastity belt on sale for a Buy It Now price of $189.95. What a steal!
This horrible, horrible device just about looks like the most uncomfortable and awkward thing that has ever been invented. The auction claims that "This is a new, flat design that is even more comfortable and even less noticeable than the previous popular models, "but the huge plastic dongs staring back at us seem to differ in their opinions. Wearing one of these would be the equivalent of getting that half-chub in english class, then having to go up to the board and diagram sentences, but even better because it is ALWAYS THERE.
The real climax of this auction comes when you see:
"Bonus! Free pair of Italian-designed sunglasses! See picture for listing and colors. Specify choice of color when submitting payment!" We're assuming you need these because you want everyone to think you look cool when they see you walking down the street with your plastic-cock outline bulging out of your jeans.
11The World's Largest Lite-Bright
Remember that crappy little toy with easy-to-swallow parts that you used to get bored of at your grandparent's house? How would you like to spend 15 grand on a huge one of those that some creepy guy spent way too much time on?
We thought so, just fax the deed to your house over to us, and we'll take care of the rest. Possibly the most depressing part of this auction is not the level of detail that the "artist" had to go into, but rather the handmade, hand-painted frame and exquisite velvet backing that really accent the piece. Thankfully, for the sake of this man's sanity, he will be featured in next year's Ripley's Believe It or Not!, thus assuring him a steady place in the pantheon alongside the Lizardman and that dude who got a railroad spike blown through his head.