We're going to take a stand here: We're in favor of medicine. Modern medicine ranks with internet porn and the George Foreman grill as one of the greatest achievements of mankind. But there are drawbacks in the form of side effects, some of which are far more off-putting than the inability to operate heavy machinery.
Most of them only happen to an infinitesimally small group of people, but they can still happen. Behold, six side effects that would suck for anyone unlucky enough to experience them, while being indisputably awesome for any onlooker with a video camera and a YouTube account.
Alli is a weight-loss medication that prevents fat absorption. When you eat fat, the medication stops you from digesting it and helps it pass right along through.
Side effects may include ...
According to their website, Alli calls these "treatment effects." Which implies that these effects can happen to pretty much everybody under the right circumstances. It's nothing major, mind you, just things like "gas with oily spotting." This would be a polite way of describing a fart that spackles your chair with a greasy stain of ass buckshot. In some cultures that's a great compliment for the host.
Of course, that's not all. Prominently displayed on their list of treatment effects are also "loose stools" and "more frequent stools that may be hard to control." Again, this should not be that alarming as these events are quite humorous when portrayed in the realm of slapstick comedy.
Alli, purveyors of hilarity that they are, go on to describe in gut busting detail just what to expect from your twitching, out-of-control rectum, including this gem: "You may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza." Recognize what? The slurry that leaked out of your ass and into your khakis, that's what.
Should you worry?
Their site makes it sound like anyone who eats too much fat in one sitting can wind up with leakage. It makes sense; you're not absorbing the grease from the fries you ate, the grease has to go somewhere.
The Alli people, ever the optimists, imply this is all part of the plan:
"In fact, anecdotally, many users have told us that treatment effects served as a signal that helped them adopt healthier eating patterns."
As in, people start limiting their fat intake out of fear of uncontrollable pooping in the middle of, say, giving a eulogy at a loved one's funeral.