7Cobra Kai Martial Arts Lessons (The Karate Kid)
When the noble Sensei of East Asia developed the elegant art of karate, did it ever occur to them that a gang of WASP-y high shcoolers would one day use their fighting style to kick the shit out Ralph Macchio? Perhaps. But they would have assumed Macchio had at least invaded their land, not flirted with Elizabeth Shue on a beach. Trained in the ruthless Cobra Kai dojo, the aggressive student Johnny (William Zabka) and his cronies use their black robes, dirt bikes and blond feathered hair to terrorize the peaceful land of Reseda, Calif., before being defeated by an Italian kid from New Jersey, a Japanese handyman and three unnecessary sequels.
What's Wrong With It?
The Cobra Kai dojo is run by disturbed Vietnam veteran John Kreese (Martin Kove), who teaches his pupils a "no mercy" policy that encourages illegal leg-sweeping and clever heckles such as, "Put him in a body bag!" and "Must be take-a-worm-for-a-walk week!" (Zing!) Additionally, there was the minor drawback that Kreese was a murderous sociopath who encouraged his students to commit murder, and has been known to try to choke his prized pupils to death. Granted, if his ruthless philosophy yielded results, sending your kid there might be worth the presumably steep price (cost of mandatory dirt bike, in addition any legal fees incurred). However, Cobra Kai wasn't even as effective as the training style of one Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), who led Daniel Laruso (Macchio) to victory at the All Valley Karate Championship by teaching him yoga and making him do chores around the house.
6Boss Sauce (Family Matters)
The mysteries of the human genome have fascinated scientists for decades. So who better to blaze the path of genetic exploration than Steven Q. Urkel, the 17-year-old suspender-clad virgin whose primary objective in developing this gene-splitting serum (which complements his DNA-modifying "Transformation Chamber") is hardly the advancement of human evolution. Rather Urkel created the serum to increase his "coolness" and seduce his neighbor's daughter as Steve's suave biological alter ego Stefan Urquelle.
What's Wrong With It?
Not only was Urkel's Boss Sauce developed with questionable motives, its effectiveness is totally subjective. If Stefan Urquelle is meant to represent the pinnacle of manliness, than the ultimate male apparently buttons his silk shirts to the collar and generally behaves like he's in a 1994 Boyz II Men video. "Did I do that?" If by "that" you mean pervert the miracle of evolution to get laid, Mr. Urkel, then yes, you did.