The 9 Most Unnecessary Greatest Hits Albums of All Time

#6. The Best of Color Me Badd

Color Me Badd actually had 5 top 20 singles between 1991 and 1992. Hell, a couple of them even made it to #1. So why shouldn't they have released a greatest hits album? For starters, try naming one of those top 20 singles that isn't "I Wanna Sex You Up." If you were able to pull that off, then you already know why The Best of Color Me Badd ought not exist, because chances are you still own the one fucking album that all of those hits are on. Those of you looking to indulge in the "best" of some of Color Me Badd's lesser known tunes, "Sexual Capacity," for example, could still skip this collection and just buy their other three albums for a combined total of $1.29. We shit you not...

On a slightly unrelated side bar, Wikipedia notes the following about the band's fourth album, Now & Forever, "sales were well below those expected from the group, with initial sales of only 32 units in the U.S." There are no sources cited, and that could be a typo, but until proven otherwise we're just going to accept that as the saddest damn thing we've ever read.

Best Moment:
We really can't say enough about "Sexual Capacity." If ever a pan flute was used with sexier results, we'd be astounded. We were kind of shocked just to hear one being used somewhere other than a Zamfir: Master of the Pan Flute commercial or a Kung-Fu flick, actually.

Most Awesome User Review:
"Some nights before I go to bed, I say my prayers and simply stare at my gorgeous self in the mirror. I thank the heavens I look like I do and ask for things like a White Lion reunion tour or Grim Reaper at my four year old's birthday party. Usually, my requests go unanswered. That was, until this CD came out."

#5. Tone Loc: Wild Thing and Other Hits

Drop the "s" off the end of the album title and release it as a two track CD single featuring "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina" and you'd have a perfectly legitimate Tone Loc greatest hits collection.

In fact, a cursory glance at the album cover even suggests that maybe we just don't remember the minor hits and there are actually only five songs on this "greatest hits" collection. This would, in fact, make Tone Loc the most honest, respectable artist in music history for having enough integrity to not insult the formerly CD buying public's intelligence by claiming that "I Got It Goin' On" was a hit.

In reality, there are five more songs included, which brings the number of "hits" nobody outside of Tone's immediate friends or family has ever heard, to a total of eight.

Notice that the title "Wild Thing & Other Hits" suggests that somebody is afraid people may have forgotten the name of "the guy who sang 'Wild Thing' back in the 80's." That's probably a valid concern.

Best Moment:
When Vanilla Ice stole the bass line from Queen's "Under Pressure" for his sole hit "Ice Ice Baby," he was taken to court. Tone Loc did the same thing twice on almost equally huge songs. "Wild Thing," which sampled Van Halen's "Janie's Cryin'" and "Funky Cold Medina" which sampled Kiss' "Christine Sixteen," both without permission from the respective bands, resulted in zero lawsuits. Further proof that the world hates Vanilla Ice.

Most Awesome User Review:

1. "Loc's production was ultra-smooth and he had lyrical help-- "Funky Cold Medina" and "Wild Thing" are still some of the smartest (and funniest) lyrics in rap, and were penned by none other than Will Smith (the Fresh Prince)."

2. "This guy who typed that Will Smith penned wild thing and funky cold medina obviously does not know what he is talkin about. They were written by Young MC."

#4. Bruce Willis: Master Series

Soulless, borderline-offensive-to-the-genre blues songs performed by rich white men are an art form loved by dozens. In this field, one name stands head and shoulders above the rest. Bow before the master!

Bruce Willis, or Bruno, as he's called by graying douche bags who prefer their blues served with a heaping side of financially stable and untroubled by the ills of the world, did release a couple of albums back in the 80's. So it should come as no surprise that some enterprising record exec would release a best of Bruce Willis collection to cash in on the whole "what in the holy hell is this?" factor.

Our only problem was deciding which "Best of Bruce Willis" collection to go with. You see, despite releasing a mere two albums, Bruno actually has four, count 'em, four best-of collections. One of them even has the gall to be a double CD that has the exact same cover art as one of his actual albums. In short, if you bought that shit and already owned his first two albums, you got ganked. Ultimately, we settled on "The Master Series" because of the awesome title and super gay album cover.

Best Moment:
At the 2:03 mark of an up-to-that-point less-than-lively rendition of "Under the Boardwalk," Bruce unexpectedly shouts "Yipee-ki-yay mother fucker!" and launches into a searing blues rock guitar solo so goddamned awesome we gathered up all of our Hendrix CD's and torched them sons of bitches lest we be subjected to their inferior axe work ever again. Ok, we made that up, Bruce doesn't really do that. There are no good moments to be found anywhere on this CD. It's pretty damn terrible from front to back.

Most Awesome User Review:
"according to me this record is a very good one because of his very well managed sound and ability to resume in an only one record so much good musiC!"

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