The 8 Most Cringe-Worthy Comic Book Movie Moments

#4.
The Punisher has too much time on his hands

As Seen In:
The Punisher

Why It Sucks:
Put yourself in Frank Castle's shoes for a second. Your family was violently murdered, you've become an alcoholic, and you spend every waking moment plotting revenge against the bastards who caused you such tremendous pain. What are you gonna do?

The answer is simple: collect a shitload of C-4 explosives, spend about 10 hours aligning them to the bottom of 100 cars so they form a skull shape, and then detonate them right as you finish avenging your loved ones.

See his overly intricate plan unfold 7:40 into this video.

Sure, all those people you just killed won't be able to see it, but who cares? You just created a giant skull! Made of fire! Picture all the people in planes flying overhead thinking, "Whoever created that giant fire skull is a total badass!"

Well, that or, "Wow, whoever wasted their time on that must be in dire need of a hug." Either way, you still get the satisfaction of watching some massive explosions. Michael Bay would be proud.

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#3.
Spider-Man is a jazz-loving lesbian

As Seen In:
Spider-Man 3

Why It Sucks:
Taken over by an evil symbiote, Peter Parker finds himself doing dastardly deeds we never thought possible, including acting emo, asking for cookies (with nuts in them), and worst of all, playing jazz piano while for some reason looking almost exactly like the lesbian musician K.D. Lang.

The clincher for this sequence has got to be the close-up of Spidey's mouth as he softly whispers, "Now dig on this," followed by snapping his fingers to the beat. It's almost as if Sam Raimi suddenly had a change of heart halfway through shooting the film and decided he'd rather be working on a Bob Fosse Broadway musical. Fortunately, reality kicks back in at the end of the scene when Parker punches Mary Jane in the face, which is something we all can agree she totally deserved for not "digging on" Peter's bitchin' dance routine.

Of course, wonderful moments like M.J. being put in her place don't last long in Spider-Man 3, as proven by Peter's John Travolta impersonation ...

Honestly, how in the hell did that get past the editing stage?

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#2.
Superman reverses time, erases memories and throws magical plastic.

As Seen In:
The Superman movies

Why It Sucks:
Ignoring the inanity of the third and fourth films (which don't even deserve to be considered true sequels), the Superman series has delivered some pretty spectacular cinema. It has also delivered an equal number of moments where you just can't help but wonder, "What the fuck were they thinking?"

At the end of the first film, Superman saves Lois' life by traveling around Earth faster than the speed of light and reversing its orbit.

Disregarding how moronic that idea is, wouldn't the effect on the Earth's orbit be so great that it would devastate life as we know it? Is Superman really that big of an asshole that he'd risk the lives of the entire planet just to potentially save one person? And, how does he even know how to do that? Was he just crossing his fingers in hopes that if he flew around the Earth enough times, Lois would come back to life? Whatever the answer, at least it's not as ridiculous as what happens in the sequel.

First, lets examine Superman's powers: flight, super strength, invulnerability, super speed, vision powers, super hearing, and super breath. Nowhere on that list do you see "memory erasing kiss," which is good, because that would be retarded. But screenwriters decided to make up just such a power, in addition to scenes where Superman grabs onto his chest and throws out a giant plastic "S" and rebuilds the Great Wall of China just by looking at it. But, the worst has to be Superman using a kiss to prevent Lois from remembering their sexual affair. So, apparently we need to add roofie saliva to that list of powers, too.

"Worst Ever" Meter:

#1.
Joel Schumacher ruins Batman

As Seen In:
Batman & Robin

Why It Sucks:
Attempting to pick out just one bad scene from Batman & Robin is impossible, and it certainly wouldn't do justice to just how painfully awful the rest of it is. The film is so dreadful that director Joel Schumacher actually apologized for it on the DVD commentary. That's right, the man who proudly made 8MM, The Number 23 and Cousins thought Batman & Robin was so bad that it warranted an apology.

As a perfect example of just how consistently awful the movie is, take the following 20 lines from Mr. Freeze, each so mind numbingly bad that they would be the worst moment in any of the movies we've covered so far.

"Ice to see you!"
"You're not sending me to the cooler!"
"I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy."
"Tonight, hell freezes over!"
"What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"
"In this universe, there's only one absolute ... everything freezes!"
"Cool party!"
"If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!"
"Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom."
"Let's kick some ice!"
"Caution. Bridge may ice over."
"Always winterize your pipes."
"Not so fast. Time you cooled your heels."
"Alright, everyone, chill!"
"Cops on the rocks, anyone?"
"Bat on ice, anyone?"
"We aim to ... Freeze."
"I wonder how cold I can get my shower ... Frosty!"
"You're skating on thin ice. My passion thaws for my bride alone."
"Tonight's forecast ... a freeze is coming!"
"Nothing frustrates a man like a frigid wife."

With all these ice-based puns to use up, it's a wonder they didn't somehow incorporate a "Batman on Ice" show. Oh wait, they did.

It's like a virus of awfulness, in which one ridiculous element leads to the next. The ice leads to the X Games charm of Bat-Skates, which leads to Bat-Skyboards, perfect for all your falling-through- the-stratosphere needs. The movie is the primary example of what can happen to even the most respectable comic book series when you start injecting it with sequences that could be described as "slapstick," "campy" and "directed by Joel Schumacher."

"Worst Ever" Meter:

If you like this article, check out Adam's article about the The 10 Most Asinine Movie Twist Endings.

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