The 5 Least Manly Sports Movies

#2. Slam Dunk Ernest

In a nutshell:

After 10 films in the Ernest cannon, Jim Varney couldn't leave well enough alone--he had to go piss all over the basketball movie genre and brought one of our boyhood idols, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, along for the ride.

In this one, Ernest rides the pine on a local basketball team. Naturally, this goofy dipshit sucks at hoops so Kareem, the archangel of basketball, gives him a pair of magic kicks that turn him into a Michael Jordan overnight. Here's the rub: With all of his success on the court, Ernest becomes an arrogant fuck. Are you still actually interested in where this movie is going? Wow, get outta town. Alright, somewhere down the line a lesson is learned, though that lesson isn't "Stop putting Jim Varney in front of the camera," so did anyone really learn anything?

Defining douche-chill moment:

Tie: 1) When we had to add the disc to our Netflix queue. 2) When the mailman handed us the disc.

Vomit-in-the-mouth quote:

Kareem: "What in the fuck am I doing here?" (On set, presumably.)

Roll the tape:

Fuck Slam Dunk Earnest--check out this seven-minute clip of some of the greatest NBA dunks of all time featuring Dr. J, Spud Webb, Dominique Wilkins and the real Michael Jordan.

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