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The 5 Least Manly Sports Movies

#3.
Jerry Maguire

In a nutshell:

Cameron Crowe does to the football movie genre what he did to the grunge movement with Singles: completely misses the point in order to focus on whiny self-involved people instead.

Defining douche-chill moment:

The movie is full of one-dimensional caricatures from the man-hating lesbian sister to Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Stepin Fetchit routine. But Cruise's character is such an unlikable pussy that it's almost impossible to not get the chills every time he gesticulates wildly and screams at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason (read: every time he's on camera).

Vomit-in-the-mouth Quote:

Jerry McGuire: "I love you. You ... you complete me. And I just ..."

Dorothy: "Shut up, just shut up. You had me at hello. You had me at ... hello."

(Was there any other choice?)

Roll the tape:

A fan-edited compilation of some of the biggest pussified moments of the movie, naturally set to Springsteen's douchiest song ever, "Secret Garden."

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