These are weirdest, most ill-conceived toys from around the globe. If you're about to say that they're "weird" only because of our own xenophobic ignorance of other cultures, well, we have two words for you: Poop toys.
Surprisingly, not all of these are from Japan.
This one is, though. We're used to Japan's superior electronics companies ensuring they get new televisions, video games and cell phones before the rest of us, but who knew they'd get the second coming of our Savior a full three years before the rest of the world. You have to love the fact that they've decided to use the box to point out ways your Jesus Robot can help you get chicks. As if you needed them to tell you.
These dolls from Russia quite clearly have both male genitalia and the long flowing hair typically associated with females. We're stumped and aroused. Is it possible they're doll versions of David Lee Roth?
Not that it really makes it any better.
Playmobil makes little figurines in the shape of hundreds of different professions, but only the Hazmat disposal crew provides children with the stark reminder that mankind's excesses will eventually doom us all.
"You see, girls, your father was in the air force. He was an F-15."
Why you'd ever feel the need to conceal a USB stick in a doll wearing a bondage mask is beyond us, although it's probably a small blessing that it's not withdrawn via the gimp's ass.
Teaching a 3 year old how to clean and prepare a fish used to be a difficult and messy task. No longer!
The thing flying out of the toilet appears to be a plastic piece of poop, molded in the traditionally popular swirl-cone shape. Projectile excrement is a popular prank in Japan, and the workplace injuries that result are a major drain on the economy.
Shimajiro is the toilet training tiger that swept all over the Web in a video a little while back. When either of the two buttons are pressed, he exclaims a short burst of pro-toilet-training rhetoric. "Crap! Crap like a champion!" and "RRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHH!" seem the likeliest options.
What on earth is going on with the right side of this toy? Is that a horse coming out from behind the shield? Is this toy some kind of centaur, or is that shield concealing an unnatural sexual act? There are a lot of questions here, and none of the potential answers is very savory.
On the left is a mysterious toy. On the right, a graphical representation of a virus. And, on the bottom is a picture of what can only be a child catching herpes.
We're told this is some sort of child's sled, and that thing sticking out of it is a handle, upon which the child can hang on while enjoying an exciting winter adventure.
Why? What did you think it was?
The closest we can figure is that they're selling a life-sized plush camel, but to make more money they're selling it one body part at a time. This is the head.
What better way to market your putter with a golden penis on the tip than with three cute cartoon animals? Just imagine Jack Nicholson coming at you, swinging one of these. Hell, now that we've written it, we're having a hard time thinking about anything else.