Cracked's Got Humortoid Arthritis

We've been receiving a lot of letters from people who have just been loving the medical-themed titles of these Saturday pieces. Now, we know what you're thinking: "I don't think you received any letters at all. I think you're making that up to convince your readers that you actually have fans. As a matter of fact, you've never even posted a mailing address, otherwise I'd have somewhere to send all of these cease-and-desist letters and photocopies of my middle finger."

Speaking of the middle finger, ours is currently deformed at the proximal interphalangeal joint due the erosion caused by our Humortoid Arthritis. We'd show you, but it's pretty gross. So instead, we'll just show you our funniest articles and videos from the week!

With Halloween right behind you, it's important for us to point out that zombies are totally possible and also probably right behind you.

Notable Comment: Kracked (sweet name, dude) said, "How I wish I hadn't read this article. I have dreams of unkillable zombies quite often and this just makes me even more afraid to leave my bed in the morning. Freaky."

Haha, don't be ridiculous, Kracked. The zombies can totally get you in your bed. Good night!

Are you trying to make a sports team, but are bummed out because all the cool names, like Cougar and Panther and Knickerbockers, are already taken? Well we've got bad news for you: All of the shitty and bizarre names have been taken, too. If you want your team to stand out, it looks like you're just gonna have to pick two seemingly incompatible words and stick those bad boys together. Let's hear it for the Hazlet DickMicrowaves!

Notable Comment: The comments reflect overwhelming support (like, two people) for the Boiling Springs Bubblers. We are sorry to overlook you, Bubblers, and we wish you the best of luck against the Shamrocks next Monday. Let's hope you guys don't ... (wait for it) ... blow.

Got that? Did you see what we did? ... Because they're the Bubblers. Do you see? It's ... Just have a good game, guys.

Find out our totally pointless and unsolicited answers to questions that never should have been asked in the first place!

Notable Comment: $am points out that "For the record, Steve Nash's defense isn't weak, it's actually very underrated," which adds a lot credibility to what we've been saying on this site for years: Steve Nash is secretly posting in our comments and forums.

Planning on dying anytime soon? Don't put everyone to sleep at your funeral with a boring "Father of Three" or "Hated Immigrants" engraved on your tombstone. Take a cue from one of the movie's on this list and really spice up your death (May we suggest a head explosion?).

Notable Comment: Over in the forums, sR3116 brought this little gem to our attention:

Skip 2:40 into the video. "Holy shit" is absolutely right.

It's high time we learn to forgive some of our favorite directors. Self-fellating cameos, ridiculous plots about corpses and hiring Robin Williams: These are not the decisions of sane men, and we can't hold it against film's greatest directors if they slip up once and awhile.

Notable Comment: G-Money says he "thought that hook was a pretty decent movie. But i also list Starship Troopers #1 on my all time favorite movies list so my opinion probably doesn't matter." You, sir, are absolutely right. But more because of your name and inability to properly capitalize words than anything else.

Over on the blog, you can finally learn the (un-researched) truth behind Dia De Los Muertos. Or, in case you don't care about holiday reporting that isn't technically correct, find out which Baldwin brother is emotionally scarred from his mother and which one is Billy. Or, if you don't care about holidays or Baldwins, then our entry about a great historical figure and his inestimable contribution to the field of child pornography, should, at the very least, enrage you. Find out what Cracked Super Contributor Michael Swaim does in his spare time when he thinks no one's watching. Then, be prepared to testify on what you saw in a court of law.

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