On Super Sunday, football fans' favorite take-no-prisoners artist will perform at halftime, musically expressing the patriotic sentiment captured by the NFL's biggest game. Get ready to rock the fuck out with"¦ Prince? What the shit? Not that there's anything wrong with Prince, per se, and there's certainly nothing wrong with homosexuals. But there IS something wrong with so badly misunderstanding your target demographic. After all, would poodle enthusiasts want Slayer to open up the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show? The sensual boy-man is just the latest in a string of terrible bookings by the powers that be in the NFL. Join us on a journey through the most horribly miscast performers of Super Bowls past.
Super Bowl XXXVII, 2003
Buccaneers vs. Raiders
"Sting is the perfect choice for this testosterone charged media event. I mean, 'sting' is what happens to you if you touch a bee, which hurts. Umm, and 'The Police' is a pretty intimidating name too. Black people are scared of the police."
The only thing that gets fans less fired up than watching a 125-pound British guy sing about fields of gold is watching a 125-pound British guy with one name sing about fields of gold. That, and "Roxanne."
Super Bowl XXXIV, 2001
Rams vs. Titans
"Hey, he's the guy with the song about the 'air tonight,' right? Isn't that about letting someone die or something? That sounds kind of cool. People like cool."
Hey, he's the guy who brought us soft-pop shitbombs like 'Sussudio' and recently penned the soundtrack to the decade's most mind-numbingly stupid children's film, Brother Bear, right?