Unlike a certain show about people stranded on a mysterious island that we won't name, by the end of its first season NBC' hit series Heroes had managed to neatly wrap up the vast majority of its plot threads and running storylines. The cheerleader was saved; the sword was retrieved; and the exploding man was stopped. We didn't watch the finale of the mystery island show that we're not naming, but we wouldn't be surprised if Locke was left speechless by the sight of Patrick Duffy in the shower. Had it all been a dream?
But like any good comic strip, as our heroes turned from the site of their final battle and began picking up the pieces of their lives, the seeds of their next adventure were already being sown. Bodies went missing, mysterious enemies leered from just off stage and vague and spooky things were uttered over the end credits. Whatever the rest our heroes got would be short-lived, you could bet your sweet biddy.
Here, we'll re-examine some of the loose threads and questions left over from the first season of Heroes, and make some predictions about what will happen next. Hopefully this will help our readers get back up to speed before Monday' season premiere. Also, this will give us a good excuse to post several pictures of Ali Larter in her panties.
What happened to Sylar? Is he very dead, or only a little?
During their anti-climactic battle in DNA Plaza, Sylar was fighting Peter Petrelli, and naturally, easily beating him. Suddenly, Sylar was surprised from behind by Hiro, who using his teleportation powers and a sword, stabbed him in the chest. Now, despite what a panel of high school football coaches might have to say on the subject, getting run through with a sword is very difficult to just walk off. And, seeing as Sylar wasn't known to have any healing powers, one could state pretty confidently that he was now very, very dead.
And one would be completely wrong, as proved minutes later by the long lingering shot of a bloody trail leading from where Sylar' body lay to an open manhole. As Agatha Christie' famous detective Hercule Poirot once commented: "When a body goes missing, and a trail of blood leads to a an open manhole, I am thinking two things: One, that guy probably isn't dead yet, and two, I am getting myself some motherfucking CHUD-repellent."
Another related observation: Just before Sylar "died," a series of images flashed across his eyes-images of the victims he took his powers from-accompanied by what can only be described as "a weird noise." Is it possible that this was Sylar losing his powers somehow? What kind of noise do people make when they lose powers they stole by looking at people' brains? Does anyone know? Science? Can you help us out, here?
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Whether Sylar dragged himself to the manhole, or was helped by an unknown accomplice remains to be seen, but make no mistake: Sylar' very much alive. However, whether he' lost his powers or not, we suspect he'll be on the periphery for much of this upcoming season, for one very important reason: Can you name a single comic series that only has a single villain? Have no doubt that the writers and producers of Heroes have conjured up another entirely new villain for our heroes to fight in the second season. Hopefully it will be a real villain, and not something lame like "Adult Illiteracy."
Nathan and Peter Petrelli. Man those guys were tools. Please say they're never coming back.
If you lost track of the number of exploding men in the series, you can be forgiven. There were at least three of them, none with very good hair. The one who actually exploded in the end was Peter Petrelli, who lost control of his powers because he had forgotten how to love, or was loving too much, or something ridiculous. He was prevented from exploding in the city itself when his brother Nathan arrived, grabbed him and took off into the sky. An explosion in the air a few seconds later appeared to seal the fate of the two brothers.
(Some of you probably recall the tagline from the Heroes ads that aired toward the end of last season: How Do You Stop An Exploding Man? The answer, it turns out, is to hug him and fly away really quickly. Why that part never made it into the ad taglines is still unknown.)
The brothers' exact fate wasn't revealed during the season finale, and none of the online Heroes content released this summer has mentioned charred corpses falling from the sky. Which means they're definitely alive.
Unless they're not.
Unless they're not not.
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They're not not alive. For one, it' unlikely Peter can be hurt by his own abilities, and given the crazy healing abilities he' absorbed, it' unlikely any injury can really hurt him now. Not that that'll stop him from crying about it.
As for Nathan' fate, we're probably going to be treated to a computer animated scene of him flying away from a fireball just in the nick of time. He'll return to Earth a hero and take his new seat in Congress-where he'll spend most of the next three seasons stuck in various subcommittees going over funding allocation for highway maintenance.