The Real Time Men of the Year for 2006

Guy from Ohio Caught Masturbating in Library (Mike Cooper)

God bless Mike Cooper. He s a regular dude with a regular mustache who has been videotaped masturbating at a Cleveland public library. His tormentor, Carl Monday, chose to demonize Mike in the local news investigative report on library safety. Mike, who lives with his parents, was probably just using the library as his personal dirty sock because his mom was using the Internet to look at funny pictures of cats. But Carl Monday, whose name sounds like a fake name a drunk guy would make up if put on the spot, insists on taking him to task.

The term  library masturbator is a pretty hard title to shake, so chances are he won t be forgotten any time soon.

Aleksey Vayner
What kind of people are big financial firms looking to employ these days? According to Yale senior Aleksey Vayner, they want someone who can lift weights, play tennis and produce a kick-ass resume video. Before his self-aggrandizing video and paper resumes were universally mocked this fall, Aleksey was a legend in New Haven due to self-started rumors about him being employed by both the mafia and CIA, killing two dozen men in Tibetan gladiatorial contests and having his college recommendation letter written by the Dalai Lama. The best thing about this faux-overachiever: his plagiarized Holocaust book is titled Women's Silent Tears: A Unique Gender-Focused Perspective on the Holocaust in Eastern Europe.

His nearest Time Man of the Year competitor is probably Brian Atene.

The People of Mobile, Alabama (specifically, the guy who wanna know where the gold at)

With so many shining stars in this news story about a leprechaun sighting in Mobile, it was hard to single any one person out. After literally minutes of deliberation, we chose the dude who, at the 1:36 mark, starts explaining to the reporter his plans to find the leprechaun s gold. His interview is the coup de grâce for the entire story. Not only is he certain of the leprechaun s existence, but also of the mythical pot of gold he carries around. His determination to find this gold is truly felt when he repeats his desires a few times in slightly different ways:  I wanna know where the gold at. I want the gold. Give me the gold. I want the gold.

We ll go with Time s vaguely condescending awarding of Man of the Year honors to The Middle Americans in 1969, since this is quite possibly the most condescending news report we ve ever seen.

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