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Since its birth, video gaming has undergone an incredible evolution, from simple sprites and a ghost-eating Pac-Man to today' domination of home consoles. After all that time, any gamer who' worth their weight in rupees will remember (fondly, or otherwise) some once-common sights that went the way of the Virtual GameBoy, never to be seen or heard from again. CRACKED recalls some video-game staples of yesteryear, and admits that, in the end, there are still more of them kicking around than we'd like. GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Acid, Spike and/or Lava Pits
In a world where you basically move in two directions-left or, if you're feeling really adventurous, right-there' not a lot that can fuck up your day more than a pit full of pointy and/or bubbling, white-hot hazards. From spikes to acid to a simple abyss (lazy programmers), pits have often plagued the weary gamer and forced too many long jumps.
Enemies and Power-Ups That Make No Fucking Sense Whatsoever
Whether they're collecting mushrooms and feathers to kill turtles or rings and emeralds to kill a fat doctor, classic video-game characters have always been subjected to tracking down and collecting the most useless, random objects to defeat the most existentially absurd foes imaginable.
Although, to be fair, our turtle, Boxy, did get pretty sick when he got into our mushrooms.
Long, Unintelligible Passwords
Who Made it Famous: Kid Icarus, Paperboy, Castlevania, Prince of Persia, King' Bounty, Starflight Although now a standard feature, the "Save Point" was once a luxury, not a right. In the Dark Ages of NES, gamers were forced to break out chisels and tablets in order to etch long, complex passwords just to avoid starting their games over when their moms invariably unplugged the system to use the vacuum cleaner. A note to developers of the Sega Genesis game King' Bounty, which featured a 64-character password input screen: Kids play games to avoid reading and writing, not practice. Villains Who Follow a Predictable Pattern
Who Made it Famous: Mega Man, Super Mario Bros., Sonic the Hedgehog, StarFox, Bomberman, The Legend of Zelda, Super Metroid, Castlevania
Not that frightening, is it? Especially once you recognize the weak spot flashing in red on his chest. Hit that three times-no more, no less-and he' guaranteed to collapse in a heap before exploding or flash red and white while fading out of existence. Spinning Blades/Falling Blocks
Who Made it Famous: Super Mario Bros., Duke Nukem, Pitfall!, Gauntlet, Tomb Raider, Mega Man, Double Dragon Game villains must have no interest in ever leaving their various lairs and/or hideouts, because the sheer number of spinning blades, falling blocks and other torture devices crammed into every conceivable corner renders them all horrible deathtraps. It' a wonder Bowser can find his way past the Whomps and rotary knives to go to the bathroom, let alone oversee his military operations outside the castle (not to mention having to deal with the multitudes of work-related injury claims from his Koopa staff). Points
Who Made it Famous: Pac-Man, Frogger, Donkey Kong, Space Invaders, Asteroids, 1942, Road Rash, Mortal Kombat Admittedly, the high score had some theoretical relevance when the arcade still ruled supreme. How else could you prove that "POO" was better at Street Fighter than "ASS?" That meaningless string of numbers represented your opportunity to engage in condoned public vulgarity, and for an 11-year-old strung out on PixyStix and Sunkist, there' not much sweeter. Fast forward to GTA 3, and the number of points you've accumulated by yourself in your living room is a lot less satisfying than keeping track of how many hookers you've paid, had sex with, run over and gotten your money back from.
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sly cooper: FUCKING AWESOME. and i was urprised to see that jak and daxter games in here so much, they're pretty good.
God some of you fanboys take this WAY to seriously I think its funny to make fun of things u like XD
Also, Pokemon should be included in the invisible walls/painted on doors one. Not because it has many of those, but because the guy. can't. climb. a. freaking. knee. high. ledge. Also, X3 I love how the trainers abuse Pidgey by making them fly them to a city miles away
Ridiculous comments.
In every Zelda game I've played, link had the ability to swim, quite realistically. it was the fact that his iron boots only weighted him down when on his feet that got to me.
Yes, why couldn't Frogger swim? Bit of a head-scratcher, that.
Actually, a fear of water is: Aquaphobia. Hydrophobia is the medical term for rabies.
All this hating on Jak & Daxter you just did really made me want to whip out the PS2 and play some Jak & Daxter.... Dammit, Swaim.
"All video-game characters are in fact made of cotton candy." This is the single best line I've read on this site. Ever.
Actually, Link isn't an elf, he's a Hylian :P
Also, there isn't a single Metal Gear Solid game where you can't swim. You just fail at life, kind sir. Go die in a hole.
This is the stupidest thing I've ever read... All the things that you DEMAND to be gone are all perfectly fine. You're just some moron with horrible taste in gaming, and frankly, with your stupid "i r has logicz" approach, you miss everything that makes video games good in the first place? God damn... You're the trailer trash of the gaming world.
no way is there unlimited carrying capacity in elder scrolls. if you have too much random crap then u can't move and it says 'over encumbered'.
I love Psychonauts... And- yes, the floating makes sense.
It said that you couldn't touch water in Contra, but then how come the FIRST level you could fall off the exploding bridges and swim in the.... WATER
cool game create your own city.. http://gilykarla.myminicity.com/
i'm playing ecco on 360 now, death sonar baby, death sonar...
You forgot Pokemon for a couple of those. How the hell does a TEN YEAR OLD KID carry around a bike, hundreds of metal balls, thousands of FRAGILE glass bottles, and still be able to run around? Why doesn't he use tackle on the legendaries? He would probably knock them out in one shot. Also, he seems to have extreme hydrophobia. After all, he can only go on water via the Surf HM. Wonder how he bathes? O.o
The Ratchet and Clank Games (at least to some extent) has just about all of these.
Gamers are a vengeful god.
Some of these, they should have kept.
After reading this, you might want to board up your windows and load up your shotgun.
Would it kill you to just save your money?
We probably would've been better off not knowing.
They probably won't get a movie any time soon.
Our monsters are kind of lame, comparatively.
Yes, Florida is actually trying to split into two, with one half (presumably the one with Disney World) remaining a part of our glorious nation and the other (Universal Studios) sinking into the sea w ...
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dadragonlover
by the way, great comment on the pokemon icalasari. i always feel bad for my scarmory, i mean he's steel but alive so he's gotta have an energy limit X[)