5 Reasons the iPhone Might Suck (And 5 Reasons Why We Are Pumped Anyway)

VERDICT: NOT SUCK
The Wi-Fi will work as promised

Here at Cracked, we're more Internet geeks than cell phone geeks, so this Wi-Fi business is the feature that really floats our boats. The ability to check one of the "big three" sites (Google, Wikipedia, Oprah.com) from any hotspot could be a very big deal indeed. The problem with the Internet service available on regular cell phone networks is that they all involve the customer bending over and letting their cell phone carrier anally violate them while their friends and loved ones watch. (It can get real expensive, is what we're saying.)

Because Wi-Fi access is often free or cheap and becoming more available by the day, this could easily turn into the iPhone's "must-have" killer app. Also, we apologize for using the term "killer app."

VERDICT: SUCK
Big, easily scratched screen

Think about this: How many iPods have you seen in the wild that weren't encased in some manner of iPod condom to protect the screen? Well, check this: The iPhone is nothing but screen. That big, sexy, visible-from-space screen could be a huge liability. The iPod, in comparison, will look as tough as an ultimate fighting bear.

Cell phones have to be able to stand up to all sorts of foreign objects colliding into them: keys, loose change, anal beads, etc. Supposedly, the iPhone will feature "optical-quality" glass, which we're guessing is the same stuff they make eyeglasses out of. That should help-but then again, how often do you keep your glasses in your pocket with your keys?

Worse, it's a touch-sensitive screen. Will a poorly placed scuff mark or an accident with some rooster sauce cripple half of your keyboard?

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