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Wacky Nicknames with Chris Berman

By Clive Bannister
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GREETINGS from the Greater Kansas City Golf Classic in historic Overland Park, Kansas! Boy, are we in for a week of great golf. Hey-you might be asking yourself, "Why does Berman write like he's broadcasting on live TV?" Because it's the only way I know how to communicate! Even"¦with"¦my"¦loved ones.

WHOOP!

ESPN sent me out on the PGA Champions Tour so I could "cool off" and "think about my actions." Hey-all I'm saying is that Trey Wingo needs to learn a thing or two about respecting the craft of sports broadcasting.

TO THE CHAMPIONS TOUR!

FIRST STOP: Overland Park, Kansas. Hey-do these guys do a great job keeping this course in top shape, or what? Not a bad place"¦to"¦park"¦your"¦.camper. WHOOP!

The tournament will feature some of the game's greatest-golfers like Arnold "I just spent an hour weeping and staring at my shaking" Palmer and Japan's Isao "been so long since anything in my life has been" Aoki. Players who remind this broadcaster of the great Bobby "my portfolio drastically underperformed the Dow" Jones.


Some of the true"¦greats. Right Tom?

Tom?

Sorry. Old habit. HA! Just kidding, then. I'm sure Tom's happy back at ESPN HQ, huh? Ha. Ha.

HEY! Besides mastering the links, do these guys know how to dress, or what? That Tom Watson sure wears a nice slack. Really"¦sharp"¦clothing. WHOOP!

You gotta wonder how ol' Bobby Jones would have stacked up against a player like Tiger "I've been going for a lot of walks around the back nine in the" Woods. Jones'd probably show Tiger how an older guy can still play just as good as a younger guy with snappy clothes. Right? Sure his style might be a little different, but that can be just as good. Even"¦better.

But, hey-what do I know? WHOOP!

Also expected to make a splash this week is Curtis "lately things between Mrs. Berman and I have been pretty" Strange. Hey-who knew marriage was so disappointing?

Well, I'll be here at the Greater Kansas City Golf Classic all week, broadcasting with Gary "sometimes I think about just hanging myself from this fucking camper with a telephone" McCord. Great player. Talented broadcaster. Gary"¦McCord.

AND THEN ON TO"¦well, Missouri, I think. Maybe it's Michigan.

WHOOP!

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