The Poor Sportsmen of the Year for 2006

8. Marco Materazzi

If the World Cup is the biggest event in the sports world, then Italian Defender Marco Materazzi certainly belongs on this list for bringing shame upon both the Cup and its biggest star, French legend Zinedine Zidane. Sure, everyone remembers Zidane getting tossed from the World Cup final for decking Materazzi with a head butt to the chest, but it was Materazzi who started it by getting in the Arab-blooded Zidane’s face and calling his sister a, quote, “terrorist whore.”

Materazzi later claimed those weren’t the words he uttered, offering the following excuse: “I don’t even know what the word [terrorist] means.” So, we guess that means he’s either retarded or secretly 9-years old—but either way, we salute him. 

7. Tank Johnson

Chicago Bears Defensive Tackle Tank Johnson had a bad weekend in mid-December. On Thursday, December 14th, Johnson was arrested for the third time in 18 months when police raided his home and seized six unregistered guns—two assault rifles, three powerful handguns, and a .308 Winchester hunting rifle.

The next night, Tank’s friend and bodyguard, Willie Posey—who was also arrested during the previous night’s raid—was murdered at a Chicago night club. Police are now trying to figure out why Posey was murdered, but we think the answer’s obvious—because he didn’t have those six guns on him, duh.

6. Keith Hernandez

One time Met great and current broadcaster Keith Hernandez—now most famous for allegedly spitting on Kramer and Newman—was labeled a sexist after comments he made on the air this April. Spotting a female massage therapist in the San Diego Padres dugout, Hernandez mused: “What’s going on here? You have got to be kidding me. Only player personnel in the dugout. I won’t say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout.”

Now what’s sexist about that? I mean, it’s not like he said women belong in the kitchen or anything. And besides, Hernandez smoothed everything out at the conclusion of his commentary when he added: “You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there. Always have.” Nice, Keith. I mean, what’s the deal with girls in the dugout anyway?

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