The American Tourist's World Cup Phrasebook

Useful French Phrases at the World Cup

Mes excuses, ami. Tout que j'ai voulu dire tait que vous Fran’§ais ’ªtes accoutum ’  courir. Et sont les homosexuels notoires.
My apologies, friend. All I meant was that you French are accustomed to running. And are notorious homosexuals.

Ce joueur semble ’ªtre bless. Rions et jetons les tranches de brie sur lui.
That player appears to be injured. Let us laugh and throw slices of brie on him.

Le football est trs important parce qu'il est ce qui unit toutes les diffrentes cultures du monde. C'est pourquoi il est ncessaire nous crasent ces Guidos.
Soccer is very important because it' what unites all the different cultures of the world. That is why it is necessary we crush these Guidos.

Disant "le chocolat chaud" dans les bruits fran’§ais comme le "chocolat chode" dans Anglais-comme dans un gros, court pnis fait de chocolat. Aw haw!
Saying "hot chocolate" in French sounds like "chocolate chode" in English-as in a fat, short penis made of chocolate. Ho ho.


Quand le Romans a conquis la Gaulle, s’»rement ils ont eu le sexe avec les femmes locales. Tellement vraiment, les notions du l'"Italien" et les nationalits "fran’§aises" sont simplement des constructions bases sur notre inclination vers le tribalisme et la division. O’¹ allez-vous, bb ?
When the Romans conquered Gaul, surely they had sex with the local women. So really, the notions of "Italian" and "French" nationalities are merely constructs based on our inclination toward tribalism and division. Where are you going, baby?

Le taux de ch’´mage fran’§ais de chancellement m'incite reconnaissant pour avoir mon travail mondain de bureau d'esprit-numbingly ’  l'All-State Insurance.
The staggering French unemployment rate makes me grateful to have my mind-numbingly mundane desk job at All-State Insurance.

Vos joueurs africains sont trs bien comports.
Your African players are very well behaved.

Comment est-ce qu'un Fran’§ais conna’®t quand sa maman sur le chiffon ? Quand le robinet de son frre juste ne go’»tent pas la m’ªme chose. Bam.
How does a Frenchman know when his mom' on the rag? When his brother' cock just don't taste the same. Bam.

Je suis Canadien.
U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!

Useful Italian Phrases at the World Cup

Pardon, vi occupereste di spostare uno mettete sopra? Ho bisogno della stanza per i miei grandi testicoli americani.
Pardon me, would you mind moving one seat over? I need room for my large American testicles.

Arrestisi prego, tutti voi. La mia figlia ha soltanto 12 anni.
Please stop, all of you. My daughter is only 12 years old.

Ho usato giocare il calcio salvo che abbiamo portato i caschi e la sfera ha avuta due punti. E voi ha potuto utilizzare le vostre mani ed avere un penis, anche.
I used to play soccer in high school, except that we wore helmets and the ball had two points. Yeah, and you could use your hands and have a penis, too.

Sia prego cos’¬ buono quanto all'introito le vostre mani fuori dei miei seni.
Please be so good as to take your hands off of my breasts.

Il vostro boyfriend lo ha bruciato con un roadflare.
Your boyfriend has burned me with a roadflare.

Dove l'oliva pi’¹ vicina giardino?
Where is the closest Olive Garden?

Nessun contatto, gradisco guardare. Sentite l'odore di come la madre.
No touching, I like to watch. You smell like mother.

Sono canadese.
U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!

Useful German Phrases at the World Cup

Ich bin nie nach Deutschland vor gewesen, aber ich habe einige Filme auf dem Internet gesehen, das Leute hatte, auf einander auszupumpen.
I've never been to Germany before, but I have seen several films on the internet that had people pooping on each other.

Ein was f’¼r sch’¶ner Stadium. Ist dieses, wo Sie die Juden brannten?
What a beautiful stadium. Is this where you burned the Jews?

Als Sie es, da’Ÿ Weise, ich sch’¤tzen, das Holocaust, geschahen nicht setzten.
When you put it that way, I guess the Holocaust didn't happen.

Nr., ist es ausgepr’¤gter ' soccer'.
No, it's pronounced 'soccer'.

Ich wettete Sie Zwanzig Dollar, die ich diese Wanne des Sauerkrauts essen k’¶nnte.
I bet you twenty dollars I could eat that tub of sauerkraut.

Nehmen Sie mich bitte zur Geschlechtgarage.
Please take me to the sex garage.

Entschuldigen Sie mich, geehrten Herrn, ich sind getreten worden in den Kopf wiederholt. Wo ist das Krankenhaus?
Excuse me, sir, I have been kicked in the head repeatedly. Where is the hospital?

Ich bin Kanadisch.
U.S.A.!!! U.S.A.!!!

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