A Gallup poll last month put Congress' approval rating at 29 percent, which ties it with the President and puts both exactly two points behind AIDS in terms of popularity. This raises the question: Why does America loathe its elected officials so much?
Forgetting that whole "war" thing for a minute, you could make the argument that it's because most members of Congress are arrogant pricks who would rather toss Rosie O'Donnell's salad after a summer hike than do anything remotely kind, thoughtful or constructive for America. Cracked.com has singled out five of the most stubborn, abrasive, inconsiderate pricks on Capitol Hill that you should be keeping your eye on:
#5. REP. JAMES SENSENBRENNER, JR. (R-WISCONSIN)
In a Nutshell
While some lawmakers like to develop a consistent world view and apply it to their governing duties, James Sensenbrenner enjoys a far more inventive approach to lawmaking-one that evidently involves a blindfold, a dartboard and a friend willing to spin him around.
Why He's a Prick
Among his more absurd positions, the hefty Wisconsinite thinks that broadcasters shouldn't face FCC regulations when they swear; instead, he believes that they should, like murderers and rapists, face criminal prosecution. After all, if there's one thing worse than raping or killing somebody, it's forcing grown adults to hear words like "shit-titties."(Use words like "fucking terrible" and "licks balls" in your Rise of the Silver Surfer review at your peril, bloggers. Sensenbrenner's on the case.)
Biggest Prick Moves
- Introducing the Patriot Act to the House in October 2001, effectively making it legal to shove coat hangers deep into the urethral tract of anyone remotely suspected of knowing someone who might know someone who is a terrorist (or, failing that, Kevin Bacon). The good news: Assuming they swore while you tortured them (a pretty safe bet), you could throw them in jail.
- An already rich man with a net worth of about $10 million, Sensenbrenner won $250,000 on a lottery ticket in 1998.
#4. SEN. ROBERT BYRD (D-WEST VIRGINIA)
In a Nutshell
Like many other politicians, Robert Byrd made a few indiscrete and youthful mistakes. He once drank a beer while under the legal drinking age. He took his father's car for a drive a few times without asking. Oh, and he served as the Exalted Cyclops of his local Ku Klux Klan chapter. You know, typical dumb teenager stuff.
Why He's a Prick
To his credit, since his involvement with the Klan in the 1940s, when he wrote letters discussing "this beloved land of ours [becoming] degraded by race mongrels," Byrd has apologized hundreds of times. So the next time you pause to consider that one of America's senators once led the Matoaka, West Virginia, chapter in recruitment drives and hate rallies, remember that he said he was sorry.
Biggest Prick Move
- Filibustering for 14 hours against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Old habits die hard?