6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

Election '08: The 12 Worst Candidate Websites

THE REPUBLICANS
RUDY GIULIANI (JoinRudy2008.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
By overusing Giuliani' first name, his campaign has aligned him with the Rudy from that movie about that short kid who got into a Notre Dame football game one time in the '70s. Because, after all, if we want our President to be like one person, it' a short, dyslexic benchwarmer who' essentially a conman trying to making a living off of one measly sack. Giuliani-and America-would be better off if he emulated Brady Quinn.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
A section called "The Buzz," which, of course, is comprised of focus-grouped, corporate-style, targeted press releases-the opposite of "buzz."

WEIRDEST MOMENT
If you raise enough money for Giuliani, you'll be rewarded with this handsome signed baseball card, which is part one in a one-part set, has nothing to do with baseball and is just a wallet-sized photocopy of the website' main image.

MITT ROMNEY (MittRomney.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
"Team Mitt" wants to bring true strength, wholesome family values and a complete absence of any stimulation whatsoever to America. He'd also apparently like his ads to feel as fun and youthful as going to church, which the kids love.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
"Mitt TV," that sure sounds like fun " Oh wait, never mind-it' just the same bunch of sound bites that CNN uses, but now you have to wait seven minutes for them to load.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
The "Five Sons" section follows the blogging exploits of-you guessed it-Romney' five Mormon sons. The real question it raises: Is America ready for a President who likes to fuck this much?

SAM BROWNBACK (Brownback.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Brownback' simplistic site can mean one of two things: either he' a no-frills Midwesterner that don't care none too much for the fancy sites some of his rivals use, or alternatively, that he only has enough fundraising money to throw this Word document up on them Internets. Also, judging from the unlabeled icons that comprise Brownback' "issues," the Senator from Kansas is chiefly concerned with lightning, playgrounds, Iraq, babies, money and the justice system, in that order.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
The Brownback Blog-both words start with the letter B, kids!

WEIRDEST MOMENT
"Hey, Iowans, look at how much I care about your state: I got a staffer to Photoshop me into a stock photo of a farm!"

JOHN McCAIN (JohnMcCain.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Like the candidate' hideous complexion, the dark, somber tone of this website makes visitors feel pity for his crumbling campaign. That said, pity is the driving force behind the vast majority of the CRACKED.com editorial team's limited sexual exploits, so we admit that it can be a pretty effective tool.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
The McCainSpace electronical networking platform for youths that do the Interweb.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
The main image from the pre-site landing page essentially says, "Welcome to the online obituary for the late Senator John McCain."

MIKE HUCKABEE (MikeHuckabee.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
If presidential candidates were types of foods, Mike Huckabee would be a handful of stale flour.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
Miraculously, Huckabee' site allows users to "send emails to friends," which is no doubt far easier than sending email with your own email address. Thanks, Mike Huckabee, for allowing us to finally communicate with each other over the Internet.

WEIRDEST MOMENT
The site proudly links to a video of Huckabee slapping the bass along with a middle school band. After an eye-wateringly boring speech about why music is great, he breaks into an uncomfortable medley of Motown hits that' most accurately described by this trumpet player' disgusted/confused reaction:

TOMMY THOMPSON (Tommy2008.com)

OVERALL IMPRESSION
Both his site' URL and its "The Tour" section could lead easily confused voters (most, according to the last election) to think that the site is in fact promoting next year' traveling revival of the Who's idiotic rock opera.

AWKWARD ATTEMPT AT HIPNESS
The homepage' invitation to "visit Tommy" on Flickr, which is a site that hosts photos and in no way facilitates "visiting." The Flickr page does, however, host this image of Thompson spying on his staff in the shower.

Tommy as a Peeping Tommy

WEIRDEST MOMENT
Thompson, a man with no formal medical training, claims that he will cure breast cancer. Perhaps more ludicrous: He claims that he can become president.


  • Random

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

5 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!