Voxtrot is from
This dude really wants to be Bob Dylan, but not only would Dylan destroy him in a battle of music, he’d also kick ass physically. And we don’t mean when Dylan was young, even the aging gross mustache-having Bob of today could take Oberst on right now. But Oberst doesn’t claim to be a fighter, just a little dude who sounds like Daniel Johnston and looks like K.d. Lang (except with less muscles).
This man played a show wearing butterfly wings. Butterfly wings? Sure, being sensitive can get you chicks but this is taking it too far. What’s next? Going on stage with lanyards and making key chains for grandma? Half-hour nappy time breaks midway through sets? If anyone needs to go for a ride with Denzel Washington in Training Day mode, it’s Sufjan.
You can grow a mustache and try to be Bruce Springsteen all you want, Brandon but we still know you like prancing around in eyeliner and singing break-up songs to 14-year-old girls. And picking a fight with The Bravery doesn’t help either. That’s like getting a wedgie from the school bully and beating up your little brother to feel better about it. Oh, and your last name is Flowers. You are the perfect example of why performers should take stage names.
Panic! at the Disco
Shame on you America for not only tolerating such wussiness but for allowing it to find success. Imagine seeing yourself in the mirror dressed like that, with that ridiculous hair, and saying “Hey, I look great, just gotta straighten my miniature tie and I’ll be good to go!” Just looking at their serious smug faces makes you want to shove them inside a locker. Who do these little punks think they are, writing songs with titles like, “The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage”? Even Morrisey would smack these guys around if he had the chance.