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The 9 Biggest Wusses in Rock Today

Let’s be honest, there were some pretty amazing rockers who were also mega-wusses like Freddie Mercury and Prince. But we put up with it because those guys could kick ass musically. Sadly, today we have a class of rockers that might have inherited Elton John’s style but certainly not his talent. This new generation of pussiness must be stopped, for the sake of the ears and eyes of music fans everywhere so CRACKED is outing the biggest wusses in rock today.

The Smashing Pumpkins’

Billy Corgan and James Iha

Can you imagine the fights these two guys had when the band was together? It probably looked like two five-year-olds slap-fighting over a Matchbox car. Corgan would pull on Iha’s highlighted hair. Iha would use his perfectly manicured hands to slap Corgan. Corgan would cry and his eyeliner would start to run. Embarrassed that his makeup was ruined, he would scream “I’m going to start MY OWN band and it’s going to be called Zwan and we’re going to be the best!” and run off.

Chris Cornell


Witness how far this former grunge star has fallen from his bad-ass heyday. Ten years ago Chris Cornell was a borderline metalhead with long hair and a guitar tuned to dropped D. Now look at him. The decline started with his joining the skeletal remains of Rage Against the Machine to form Audioslave and churning out a few albums of middle-of-the-road rock for dads to listen to on the way to weekend softball games. And the fall has continued now that he’s pooped out that gutless theme song for the new James Bond movie (see video evidence below).

Moby


Aside from being a wimp who makes music for car commercials, this guy is the living embodiment of the uber-liberals that give Democrats a bad name. When he’s not entertaining clueless baby boomers at MoveOn.org events, he’s busy writing liner notes that lecture you about the joys of veganism. Speaking of veganism, his hairless pale, fragile frame looks like he hasn’t ingested any iron in years.

Belle & Sebastian

Yes indie dorks and twee-lovers, even we admit their lyrics are smart, they’re good song writers. But come on people, their songs sound like kittens purring into a microphone! These guys are so wimpy they make Bert and Ernie look like M.O.P. They make a child’s tea party look like a public beheading.

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