The 9 Biggest Wusses in Rock Today
Let’s be honest, there were some pretty amazing rockers who were also mega-wusses like Freddie Mercury and Prince. But we put up with it because those guys could kick ass musically. Sadly, today we have a class of rockers that might have inherited Elton John’s style but certainly not his talent. This new generation of pussiness must be stopped, for the sake of the ears and eyes of music fans everywhere so CRACKED is outing the biggest wusses in rock today.
The Smashing Pumpkins’
Billy Corgan and James Iha
Chris Cornell
Moby
Aside from being a wimp who makes music for car commercials, this guy is the living embodiment of the uber-liberals that give Democrats a bad name. When he’s not entertaining clueless baby boomers at MoveOn.org events, he’s busy writing liner notes that lecture you about the joys of veganism. Speaking of veganism, his hairless pale, fragile frame looks like he hasn’t ingested any iron in years.
Belle & Sebastian
Yes indie dorks and twee-lovers, even we admit their lyrics are smart, they’re good song writers. But come on people, their songs sound like kittens purring into a microphone! These guys are so wimpy they make Bert and Ernie look like M.O.P. They make a child’s tea party look like a public beheading.
Hey! Hot Fuss by the Killers is a great album! Although I agree Flowers is a girly man
Replysay all you want, but i would totaly bang half the guys on this list
ReplyPanic! at the Disco is a very original and good band. Even if that's my opinion, I don't care, I love them. If you searched a little harder, you would've gotten a better picture when they were good looking, matured men, instead of when they were younger...just sayin...Bring on the thumbs down, Panic! at the Disco IS NOT A WUSSY BAND.
ReplyOk, there is nothing wrong with Billy Corgan, Conor Oberst, and Panic at the disco isn't terrible either. This is one of the more stupid articles I've seen on cracked. I'm glad that's the exception and not the rule.
ReplyI wish there had been better reasons other than writing softer music and having stupid hair listed as being a wuss. And since when is Freddie Mercury a wuss? Flamboyantly gay aside, he was a pretty strong-looking guy. If not being a wuss means winning in a fight, I'm sure Freddie won his share.
ReplyPanic! has always made good music (at least I think it is). They were awkwardly wanne be emo early on... they were all like 18, kids. now that they've grown up, and lost the depressing weirdo (cough, cough RYAN ROSS) they look much more like normal people (they do the themed videos sometimes)
ReplyI'm with you, I actually really like Panic! (even their old stuff... for nostalgic reasons mostly)
I've never heard of this band Voxtrot but I guarantee whoever wrote this has never been to Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas grows bands like these by the dozen. And then ships them off around the world to be all arty and talk about Shiner Bock.
ReplyThat awkward moment when my 3 favorite bands are on this list...
ReplyEvery one of these guys on this list are like "Sorry, we couldn't hear you under these piles of cash and women."
ReplyTouche'
not... so sure ahout the women
lol good article
ReplyChris Cornell's "You Know My Name" may not be metal, or even rock, but that song is absolutely PERFECT for a Bond film opener! It's smooth(ish), and dark, just how I like Bond. And it has just the right amount of allusions to gambling to make it fit Casino Royale without being over the top.
ReplyNow, if you wanted to criticize Cornell's rap career, well, you'll get no objections from me.
Music Inclined Hipster says : "You suck for not liking what I like and you suck for not liking what I liked before I liked it."
ReplyThis article is an embarrassment to Cracked.
ReplyI didn't know Cracked employed rednecks. Not only is it implied that not being 100% masculine means there's something wrong with you (I'm a girl... guess I should just sell all my guitars because I'm not badass enough), but the writer is too thick to grasp that Sufjan Stevens and Conor Oberst are not rock musicians. I'm surprised YoYo Ma isn't on this list, since he plays wussy Mozart on that gay cello thing.
Replybeing a girl does not qualify one as a "wuss" Do a quick search for angela gossow, and see just how little of a wuss a woman can be.
Thank goodness this web site eventually got good.
ReplyThis article gave me the impression that the writer has issues.
ReplyEither it's a passive-aggressive complaint about women ("Why are these guys popular?" -> "Why are these guys attractive to women?" -> "Why don't girls like me?"), or someone who likes or wants to be a fey indie boy more than they're comfortable with.
I don't even know who half these people are, and this article sure as hell isn't funny. I'd rather read an article about rock stars who are the opposite of this. I mean, what would you rather read, an article about a Smashing Pumpkins slap-fight, or about Ozzy snorting ants with a straw?
ReplyThis is not one of Cracked's better moments.
ReplyThis list really ought to be updated... 6 years is a long time when it comes to factory-line music production. I say Gladstone should be the one to do the update.
ReplyAKA 9 Reasons Why I Listen To Death Metal.
Reply