#12. "There's an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin."
Billy Joel, "Piano Man"
Is there maybe a chance that all that "Man what are you doing here?" business later in the song had less to do with the bar patrons thinking you're talented and more to do with the fact that you've just wandered into some sort of alcoholic orgy and one of the guys was embarrassed that you caught him with his dick in his drink? Our advice: get up slowly and back away from the bar. And while you're up, go ask Paul exactly what the fuck a real estate novelist does, because we're pretty sure that profession doesn't exist.
#11. "I believe I can fly...I think about it every night and day."
R. Kelly, "I Believe I Can Fly"
Really? Every night and day? Sounds like that's sort of getting out of hand for you there, R.
10 (tie) "Everyone is gay."
Nirvana, "All Apologies"
First of all, if everyone were in fact homosexual, the human race would cease to exist because procreation would be impossible. And if Kurt Cobain is using the word "gay" to mean something like "uncool," the existence of Hulk Hogan emphatically negates that statement as well. Finally, does that make Kurt Cobain gay too, or is it everyone but
him? The jury's still out on bassist Krist Novoselic. Waaaaaay out.
10 (tie) "Get me on the courts and I'm trouble, last week messed around and got a triple-double."
Ice Cube, "It Was a Good Day"
Ignoring the fact that a good day for Ice Cube means not having to use his AK, we're going to go ahead and make fun of him here: what sort of asshole keeps track of assists and rebounds during a game of pick-up basketball? When he's playing wiffle ball, does he brag about his W.H.I.P. stats and claim that he's gone 22 straight games without committing an error? Because if so, that does even more to banish any memories of NWA-era Cube than Are We Done Yet?
(which, of course, is saying a lot).