The 10 Least Romantic Love Song Lyrics

"Remind me of something James used to say,
'I like 'em fat,
I like 'em proud,
Ya gotta have a mother for me,'
Now move your big ass 'round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby
Cus, tonight you're a star -- and I'm the big dipper"

It's remarkable that a skinny five foot two inch guy with a pencil mustache and tight sequined pants could get laid as much as Prince does. Maybe it's his subtly seductive way with words. This lyric violates one of the oldest laws of seduction: never comment on a girl's weight. Oh, and never refer to oneself as the big dipper.

"Baby, I think tonight
We can take what was wrong and make it right
Baby, it's all I know
That you're half of the flesh and blood makes me whole"

Nothing gets a girl's heart racing quicker than being compared to blood. Mr. Mister were indicative of everything that was wrong with music in the eighties — overproduced, anodyne dross. Still you could always look to the committee-written-lyrics for the most embarrassing aspect of their music.

"You should've known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didn't listen
You played dead, but you never bled,
Instead you lay still in the grass, all coiled up and hissing"

In other words, "If screaming doesn't get my point across. I guess I'm going to have to use my hands. Now are you happy? Oh, don't act like you're hurt! You're not even bleeding! God, you're such a snake." Nothing says romance like lyrics that sound like they were written by one of those rage-a-holic husbands on the Lifetime channel.