Rhyme Crime: The 20 Worst Rhymes In Pop Music History
15
Rod Stewart, "Every Picture Tells a Story"
On the Peking ferry I was feeling merry,
Sailing on my way back here,
I fell in love with a slit eyed lady,
By the light of an eastern moon,
Shangai Lil never used the pill.
You have to love this verse from what is actually a great song. It has it all cultural insensitivity, geographic fallacies, clichés and of course really bad rhymes. Shanghai Lil sounds like a Sino-Germanic hooker from a 1930s movie.
14
Steve Miller Band, "The Last Wombat in Mecca"
There are few things I won't find,
Some are better left alone,
Like that bulldog in the bathroom,
Like that wombat on the phone.
This is the same guy who calls himself the midnight toker? Really? We're shocked.
13
Steely Dan, "Josie"
Jo would you love to scrapple
She'll never say no
Shine up the battle apple
Would Josie like a glass of Snapple, perhapple?
12
King Crimson, "Ladies of the Road"
High diving Chinese trender
Black hair and black suspender
Said, Please me no surrender
Just love to feel your Fender
Yes the guitarist wrote this. Wonder what gave that away? As you might guess from the above picture, King Crimson were never the sort of band to get the chicks, unless you count those really earnest ones in beads and tie-dies who want to talk about mellotron relooping and off-time chord progressions.
11
Michael Bolton, "Love is a Wonderful Thing"
The only thing a river knows,
Is runnin' to the sea,
And every spring when a flower grows,
It happens naturally.
Where is our Gravol? Bolton makes Lionel Ritchie read like John Keats.
How about "I am, I said, to no one there, and no one heard me, not even the chair." -Neil Diamond(?) How in the f**k would you expect a chair to hear you?
ReplyI'm surprised Lady BlahBlah isn't on this list.
Reply'Eleanor,
ReplyGee, I think you're swell
And you really do me well
You're my pride and joy, et cetera
Eleanor, can I take the time
To ask you to speak your mind
Tell me that you love me better'
I like The Turtles. But, shit. Anyone that rhymes 'et cetera' with 'better' (and that line only makes sense if you squint and use your imagination) must be (or have been) really f*****g desperate.
What about that time lil wayne rhymed dick with dick like seven times?
Reply"I call her Rihanna/ but that's cuz that's her name Rihanna"
Reply-Rick Ross ft. Drake
I love you Drake, but this here's retarded. This should easily be in the top 5.
This is probably the most cynical dick-headed article I've read in a while. Bravo.
ReplyFred Durst not on this list?
Reply"Now I know ya'll be lovin' this s**t right here
L-I-M-P biscuit is right here!"
To be fair, Pete Sinfield penned all those lines for King Crimson. The only lyrics Robert Fripp has written were about the commercialization of the Vatican.
Reply"Would Josie like a glass of Snapple, perhapple?"
ReplyHA!
Where's Des'ree on this list?
Reply"I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast"
Toast?! FFS.
I think there's an important oversight here.
ReplySpin Doctors - Little Miss Can't Be Wrong
"I take that back I hope you're doing fine
and if I had a dollar I might give you ninety-nine"
The Smiths have been my favorite band for years, their self-title album is my favorite album, and Reel Around the Fountain is one of my favorite songs off of it. I'd love to say something in Morrissey's defense, but yes, that's not one of the best rhymes the man ever thought up.
Reply"Walking on the Moon" is about being drunk. Sometime in lyrics you have to read between the lines, they're not always meant to be taken literally.
ReplyYou completely forgot Lenny Kravitz's "Fly Away!"
Reply"I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly"
Worst in history.
The Smiths? It's about how hunting's evil.
ReplyI am surprised to not see "Abracadabra" on here.
Abra, abracadabra
I'm gonna reach out and grab ya
Abra, abracadabra
Abracadabra
lolwut
I heard this song at my friend's house once... Almost busted out laughing at the lack of thought put in to the lyrics.
This article is quite silly really. The whole concept of English speaking people complaining about nonsensical rhymes is pretty stupid.
ReplyRam Jam's Black Betty was written by Leadbelly and is derived from an 18th century marching cadence about a flint-lock musket with a black painted stock. The "bam-ba-lam" lyric refersto the sound of the gunfire. Soldiers in the field were said to be "hugging Black Betty". Black Betty was superseded by its "child", a musket with an unpainted walnut stock known as a "Brown Bess". This black powder weapons often had a dangerous back-flash hence the "gone blind" reference.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHistory! Cool, huh?
haha damn dude, u really suck.
Holy s**t - did you WRITE the damn lyrics to this song? I never thought anybody would know so much about an obscure 1 hit wonder by "Ram Jet"... f*****g RAM JET?
It's Ram Jam, not Ram Jet.
Let's not forget the crime that is REO Speedwagon. I can't believe it. Not for a minute. That's not even close. it makes me cringe every time.
ReplyLet's not forget the classic song "24 Inches on the Brougham" by the Dirty Boys, or Dirty. "You wanna know what's truly real? How many times my candy flips. The sun makes my paint look like a fruity bag of M&Ms". Yum my favorite candy, Skittle flavored M&Ms!
ReplyThat entire song, entry and artist title sounds flat-out gay.
Robert Fripp (the guitarist) did not write the lyrics to "Ladies on the Road". Their lyricist, Peter Sinfield, did.
Reply