#4. Sequel to: Clerks and Clerks 2
Character: Jay (Jason Mewes)
Why: Kevin Smith has all but admitted to needing some dough, and based on the mediocre box office performance of Clerks II, it looks like the only kind he' going to have will be located around his buddy Ben Affleck' belly. Basically, since we know Smith will eventually go to the well again, he might as well do it right. Jason Mewes, wasted on black tar or not, is hysterical, and Silent Bob has always been such a head-scratcher that we needed three stitches up top after Jay and Silent Bob Go to Hollywood.
Pitch: Jay smokes a half-pound of top-shelf OG Kush, and goes blind. But it' the good kind of blindness, meaning that he becomes a famous black piano player, and crunches more hot tail than he could have ever imagined when he was a white boy haunting Jersey' malls. But will those evil ASCAP execs find out he' a cracker? What will happen when he' busted? It doesn't matter, see, because it' one of those "all in his mind" movies.
Points of Reference: Ray meets Confessions of a Dangerous Mind meets Soul Man
#3. Sequel to: Wedding Crashers
Character: Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell)
Why: His uncredited cameo at the end of Crashers is probably the best work he' done since Anchorman. Playing the Yoda of Crashers, Ferrell' role gave the comedian the freedom to play a complete lunatic for the first time since his SNL days. In a film full of amazing quotes, "Mom! Meatloaf! FUCK!" might just be the finest.
Pitch: Having been blacklisted at every banquet hall in America, Chazz resorts to crashing funerals and bedding aged widows. But when one miraculously gets preggers, Chazz ends up with a very old old lady and a set of rambunctious triplets. (Babies to be CG, and all voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, unless he' busy.)
Points of Reference: Knocked Up meets Harold and Maude meets Baby Geniuses
#2. Sequel to: Old School
Character: Bernard "Beanie" Campbell (Vince Vaughn)
Why: We were happy to hear reports that an Old School sequel is in the works, so we don't want to be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but could we please drop the ruse that fucking Luke Wilson was the star of Old School? Why was the least funny, least talented of the three main stars given the most screen time? Would anyone object if Luke Wilson dropped off the face of the earth, and all of his forthcoming roles were split between his brother, Owen, and his cousin, Dwight Schrute?
Pitch: Double V is back in Old School 2, divorced and having taken over as the school' dean. The debauchery, needless to say, is in full-throttle. You'll still see his parental side, as he gets weekends with his now grade school-aged sons, who can put a damper on some of his partying. But you'd be surprised at how quickly a six-year-old can learn to work a keg.
Points of Reference: Animal House meets Liar Liar meets the last five minutes of Leaving Las Vegas
#1. Sequel to: Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Character: Brick Tamland (Steve Carell)
Why: Sure, Evan Almighty makes us nervous, but Carell' turn as Brick "I Love Lamp" Tamland might be the single funniest performance he, or anyone else, has turned in over the past five years.
Pitch: The film follows Tamland' rise to become a speech writer for George W. Bush.
Points of Reference: Being There meets Wag the Dog meets Murder at 1600