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The 8 Greatest Makeshift Movie Weapons

#6.
Lionel's lawnmower from Dead Alive

Towards the end of this very odd zombie movie from director Peter Jackson, our hero dispatches the zombie horde with a lawnmower strapped across his chest:

What ensues is one of the bloodiest scenes involving a lawnmower since 2002's America's Funniest Home Video's $10,000 grand prize winner.

How It Is Useful Against Your Enemies

Lawnmowers are big and clunky and chances are if you're thinking about using one as a weapon, you live in a trailer, consider Steak'ums a Thanksgiving side dish and refer to refined pork treats and warm beer as the breakfast of champions. In other words, carrying and running with a lawnmower on your body is entirely out of the question for someone with your physique. Also, the only time this is an effective weapon is if your enemies are the type who attack slowly in an all-at-once formation, and are incapable of recognizing from the first wave of your chest mower victims that it's a bad idea to just stand there (ruling out pretty much all potential assailants other than non-28 Days Later zombies and the elderly).

#5.
The ballpoint pen from Grosse Pointe Blank

Martin Blank, played by John Cusack, decides to put his hit man life on hold in order to attend his high school reunion. While Blank dances and enjoys punch, a rival assassin hired to wipe Blank out for the "Oregon snafu with that dog Boudreaux" makes his move. The two get into a brutal kickboxing match by the lockers. Finally, Blank gets him into submission, whips out the ballpoint pen he got from a schmoozy real estate agent at the reunion and sticks it right in the assassin's jugular:

This accomplishes the duel objectives of giving us a pretty clever little death scene, and distracting us from the fact that we're being asked to believe that John Cusack has just kicked someone's ass in a kickboxing fight.

How It Is Useful Against Your Enemies

What it causes in pain it lacks in distance. You literally have to get right up in your enemy's face for it to really do some damage, which, given the fact that they are your enemies, probably isn't something you want to do. But if you can get past their anchovy breath, large face goiter and glaring evil stare, it can cause some damage and make a huge mess. Bring some Wet Naps.

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