The 5 Biggest Mismatches in Movie Fight History
5. Cliffhanger
Fight: Gabe Walker (Sylvester Stallone) vs. Eric Qualen (John Lithgow)
The bad news first: a gang of evil white-collar criminals are holding your sister hostage approximately 10,000 feet above sea level. To make matters worse, it tends to be cold on mountaintops, and for no discernible reason you’re only wearing a tank top.
Now for the good news: you’re a trained mountain climber who, as luck would have it, grew up climbing the mountain on which they’re holding her, so you’ve got a Coors Park-sized home field advantage. Oh, also, you’re Sylvester Stallone and the guy you’re fighting is the dad from 3rd Rock From the Sun.
That’s right, when faced with the job of finding a villain fearsome enough to menace Stallone’s maverick climbing instructor, the makers of Cliffhanger settled on John Lithgow, a man whose previous villains spent their time trying to convince kids to stay home from prom.
In an attempt to even the odds, Cliffhanger emphasizes the fact that Stallone is haunted by the memory of watching a woman plunge to her death. He is not, however, haunted by cerebral palsy, the only thing that could make a fight between Lithgow and Stallone anything other than laughable.
When they finally meet in the climactic scuffle, Lithgow manages to get Stallone in a head lock, and improbably appears to have him on the ropes before the helicopter they’re dangling from (don’t ask) falls off the side of a cliff, taking Lithgow with it.
How many others were amused that all the pictures on top of each matchup were Stallone and Lithgow? I was greatly amused.
ReplyHow dare you sir? How dare you? Harrison Ford is Han Solo, Indiana Jones, and Blade Runner. Thall shall NOT besmirch his good name!
Replythe entire point of cliffhanger is that Eric Qualen is ex british special forces. ie it doesnt matter what he looks like if your ex british special forces you are infact a badass.
Replyp.s if you were to see what real life special forces look like you would be amazed that they dont look like sylvester stallone infact they look like normal guys but one thing all special forces have in commin is that they all are experts in hand to hand combat
There weren't any videos! I didn't even read this
ReplyWell done!
Cocerning #1: This is just another example of the old book/film cliche that good guys are all-American, tough, jockish, blue-collar women's men while bad guys are bookish, nerdy, effiminate momma's boys. You know, just like in high school.
ReplyHarrison Ford should add your description of him to his Wikipedia page.
ReplyIt took me a couple of years, pre-imdb of course, to realize that Vernon Wells was the 'Wez" dominant S&M biker from Road Warrior. Perhaps he signed the contract before the producers got pictures of his mighty physique after he could afford to eat.
ReplyIt's wasn't Stallone's sister who was being held hostage. Any props to Jlotus for bringing up Ricochet.
ReplyAnyone who ever watched Ricochet or Dexter knows not to underestimate John Lithgow.
ReplyA mate of mine's father-in-law looks exactly like him. No bathtub corpses as yet though.
Wow, dead Russian in Die Hard? Did you actually watch the movie? If that was a joke, good job.
ReplySundance is a pretty nice place, complete with snowboarding/skiing. Too bad it's right next to two towns that have a combination juvie/rehab/mental hospital.
ReplyWhat assholes for taking care of their citizens.
"Schwarzenegger’s character is named Matrix, a mantra so bad ass that it is unsuccessfully self-ascribed by at least a dozen high school football players each fall."
ReplyWhat the f**k was ANY of that supposed to mean? I mean, I know it's an old article, but Jesus, I'm pretty sure they had basic sentence structure and coherency in 2007.
"unsuccessfully self-ascribed" means that they tried and to get people to call them "Matrix." I'm afraid this is a reading comprehension problem, not a writing problem.
I can't remember the end fight from "Out for Justice" but William Forsythe can be a badass when he gets the right role...Just watch "Devils Rejects" and say he wasn't an imposing badass.
ReplyForsythe was in Raising Arizona. Nuff said.
Forsythe was Flattop in Dick Tracy, truly a stand out production for all involved!
check out lithgow in Ricochet, he was pretty bad ass.
ReplyLithgow is the KING of New York!
Lithgow is KING of New York!
What about kick-ass? That middle-aged man would have had no chance against that psychopathic 10 year old girl. She kills like 100 people singlehandedly but then somehow he has her on the ropes.
ReplyMost of John Lithgow's major film roles are as villains. Physically he's not imposing at all to Sly, but he can portray very chilling and cruel characters convincingly. This didn't really matter though since everything in Cliffhanger was completely ridiculous.
ReplyCliffhanger rules.
Well, what about the fight of Det. Inspector Lee (Jackie Chan) Versus Thomas Griffin, a.k.a. Juntao (Tom Wilkinson) in "Rush Hour"? A dedicated martial arts actor fighting a dedicated drama actor, Wilkinson was the Emily Rose's exorcist, He was the Machiavellic Joe Kennedy, and one of the "Full Monty" guys, for god's sake.
ReplyAuthor needs to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark and Star Wars.
ReplySeriously, who dares try to fade Han Solo?
The characters are cool, Ford has swagger and all that, but be honest, he's right about the punches.
Lithgow is an awesome villain. wtf is this guy talking about?
ReplyIt's sad to see how much people misunderstand the article. This doesn't say he is a bad villain. It says that in a fight with Sly he is grossly mismatched, which is completely true.
Every time I see John Lithgow anymore I see the psychotic Trinity Killer from Dexter... :)
ReplyEvery time I see John Lithgow I see the living embodiment of my deepest nightmares.