The 007 Lamest James Bond Scenes

The Man with the Golden Gun is widely regarded as the worst James Bond movie by people who have never seen A View to a Kill. The low point of the film occurs when Bond pursues the tri-nippled villain Scaramanga (Christopher “Dracula” Lee) and his sidekick Herve “Tattoo” Villechaize through the Thai countryside. A little trivia for you: in Thailand the film’s title was The Man with Three Golden Nipples.

Anyway, Scaramanga drives off in an AMC Matador, and in order to give chase, Bond jacks an AMC Hornet from a Bangkok showroom. Coincidentally, the superhumanly annoying redneck sheriff J.W. Pepper from Live and Let Die happens to be at the Bangkok AMC dealer and is about to test drive the Hornet when Bond steals the car with him in it. What are the odds? Actually, many Americans travel to low-overhead Southeast Asia to buy automobiles, so this scene makes perfect sense.

Bond and Pepper pursue Dracula and Tattoo in what may be the greatest AMC vs. AMC car chase ever put to film—and that is saying something. Sheriff Pepper offers color commentary throughout the chase, which is really distracting because every time he speaks you want to stab your ears with a chopstick. The sequence climaxes with a spectacular corkscrew jump over a canal, a great stunt that is utterly ruined by the inclusion of a kooky slide whistle sound effect. What the hell were they thinking? “Great jump, but you know what it needs? More slide whistle.”

How does the chase end? Scaramanga’s AMC Matador grows wings and flies away. No, really.

Sometimes a secret agent has to improvise.

In The Living Daylights, Timothy Dalton rescues a foxy cellist from bad guys on a snow covered mountain by using her cello case as a sled and her priceless antique instrument as a rudder. Sure, it gets the job done, but couldn’t the film makers have given him a cooler sled, like a big sombrero or a My Little Pony wading pool? It’s just hard to look cool inside a cello case no matter how fast you’re going. This is the point where audiences around the world decided they preferred 70 year old Roger Moore as James Bond.

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