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The 007 Lamest James Bond Scenes

By David Campbell November 20, 2006 138,164 views
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Who is cooler than James Bond? Okay, besides Fonzie. The cinematic James Bond is an ageless icon of cool who always says and does the right thing, wears the right clothes, drives the right car, and never, never sacrifices his dignity regardless of the situation… except when he does.

Sadly, many Bond films are marred by the inclusion of scenes that are so daft, so uncool, that they grab you by the frontal lobe and jerk you out of enjoying the film. Let’s take a look at the 007 lamest moments in James Bond history, shall we?




Live and Let Die doesn’t just embrace lameness, it gropes and French kisses lameness with vodka breath and then vomits in lameness’s bed. Roger Moore’s first Bond film has a profoundly un-Bondian moment: the infamous alligator hopscotch scene.

Bond, who has been captured by Evil Black People, is taken to a swampy alligator farm chock full of hungry reptiles. The bad guys forget that they have guns and instead opt for the 100% organic approach to killing Bond – namely, the alligators. They conveniently leave Bond alone (how could he possibly escape?) and that’s when things get wacky.

Whether out of sheer chance or in response to an Aquaman-like telepathic command from Bond, all the alligators arrange themselves in a neat line in the water. Bond then traipses across the gator chorus line to safety. Dude doesn’t even get wet. It’s a great stunt, but it belongs in a different movie: Peter Pan.


There are those who feel that all of the Sean Connery Bond films are beyond reproach simply because The One True Bond is in them. These people are stupid. In You Only Live Twice, Bond must blend in with the locals during a mission to Japan, so he slaps on a kimono, a little bit of make-up, gets a Romulan hair style and voila! Instant Japanese.

Or not. The audience is asked to accept that the strapping six foot Scotsman can actually pass as an Asian, and—even harder—is asked not to giggle during every close up shot. Freakish red haired comedian Carrot Top would make a more convincing Japanese dude. Lame, Bond-san.


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9 Comments

Quote: "The Man with the Golden Gun is widely regarded as the worst James Bond movie by people who have never seen A View to a Kill."

Dude you've got to see Quantum of Solace. That is the epitome of bull crap. The most un-Bondian moment is the villain. He's disguising himself as an ENVIROMENTALIST. On a list of things that are evil, environmentalist has to rank at the bottom. Also he's chubby as f**k and honestly his death also springs to mind. Bond just ditches his ass in the desert. That's not cool. Bond doesn't ditch people in the desert. He takes out his gun and puts a bullet in their skull.

8/7/2009 1:41:23 PM
Flashpenny

what about the climax of Octopussy?

7/30/2009 2:15:01 PM
TheRunningMan

To demonstrate how bad "Die Another Day" really is, James Bond, who should never, ever be shown on a surf board, is actually shown on a surf board twice. The first time supposedly to infiltrate North Korea (a common mode of transportation for invaders) but in reality to show us that he can surf so he can do it a second time in the CGI mess described above.

7/27/2009 2:45:32 PM
soup-on-a-stick

The firetruck chase in View to a Kill was lifted directly from the Bob Hope movie My Favorite Spy.

6/9/2009 1:52:46 PM
ClassAction

Great article. "That's what iceberg tsunamis do." XD

5/8/2009 5:39:00 PM
Granadog

you don't need an encyclopedia to know about the whistle and the pigeon.....

2/3/2008 11:22:33 AM
Deth

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2/1/2008 12:03:37 AM
This is good movies and music is vies vies good

The slide whistle wasnt needed but what makes that a good scene is that they mannaged to pull it of in one take

1/21/2008 8:06:02 PM
Scott

Entertaining post, though I think you owe a little credit to Steven Jay Rubin's James Bond Movie Encyclopedia. He also points out the pigeon's double take in Moonraker and the kazoo effect in Man With The Golden Gun to humorous effect.

11/23/2007 10:28:47 AM
Bond Fan

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