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First Drafts of Al Pacino and Kevin Costner Movies
Few people are aware just how drastically Hollywood movies change from initial pitch to the silver screen. Focus group testing and market concerns often combine to give films less realistic, Hollywood-type endings and for some strange reason, two actors continuously pop up in these unrealistic films-Al Pacino and Kevin Costner. (Take Waterworld-are we really supposed to believe that global warming could lead to sea levels rising?) CRACKED takes a look at what some classic Al Pacino and Kevin Costner movies looked like before Hollywood producers got their hands on them.  The Godfather As his goons assassinate the heads of rival families, Michael Corleone (Pacino) takes the vows to be his nephew' godfather. When the priest asks, "Do you reject Satan and all his empty promises?" Michael reflects on the irony of the situation, shakes his head and says, "No. That would be a ridiculous thing for me to say."  Field of DreamsA mysterious voice tells an Iowa farmer (Costner), "If you build it, they will come." The man tells his wife that he wants to build a baseball diamond on their cornfield but says he is afraid that it might make them bankrupt. His wife reminds him that cornfields are hundreds of acres in size and that building a baseball diamond would barely make a dent in their net profit for the year. He builds a baseball diamond, they have an average harvest and no hundred-year-old cheaters show up to play catch because the mysterious voice actually just wanted him to put up a basketball hoop. The farmer is sent to an insane asylum where he hangs himself in the closet with bed sheets.  Scent of a Woman Retired Marine Colonel Frank Slade (Pacino), a cantankerous fool, gives an impassioned plea to his young friend' prep school, demanding that they not expel him for refusing to incriminate three mischievous classmates. The honor committee is unfazed and gives the boy one last chance to testify against the waspy delinquents. He takes it and gets a scholarship to Harvard, eventually becoming the CEO of a company that makes chemical weapons.  Tin Cup Tin Cup (Costner), a driving range pro from Texas, is in contention for the title on the 72nd hole of the US Open. He hits six shots in the water, and is down to his last ball. Instead of laying up, he goes for the green, misses short and is disqualified. His Mexican caddy punches him in the face and moves to Reno, while his over-the-hill psychiatrist girlfriend calls him a "clownshit retard" and dumps him for an astronaut. During a massage back at the club house, Tin Cup masturbates on a masseuse' leg and is sued for the $5,000 that he got for appearing in the tournament. He gets drunk and hangs himself with a seven iron.  Scarface In the spring of 1980, thousands of Cubans set sail for Miami in search of the American Dream. Tony Montana (Pacino) tries entering the city' criminal underworld but everyone agrees he' a dumb ass, so they stop calling him back. He opens a dance school, becomes a homosexual and marries a masseuse, who is masturbated on while giving Kevin Costner a massage.  Dances with Wolves A Union soldier (Costner) befriends a tribe of Indians as he guards an abandoned frontier outpost. They catch the bored infantryman having sex with a wild dog and name him Dances with Wolves. Intrigued, the Indians invite the sodomite to join their community. He gives them all smallpox and is named President of the United States. Three days into his first term, he hangs himself with diseased blankets. |
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Posted: 11/18/2008 9:45:11 AM
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