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Cracked's Oscar Rundown (Part Two)

Amy Adams, Junebug Former Hooter's waitress Adams portrays a knocked up child-bride in this artsy film about how white trash are people too. You might recognize Adams from her previous appearances as Hot Girl, Hot Girl #2 and Busty McChestycans (voiceover).
Catherine Keener, Capote Keener plays Truman Capote's razor-faced partner Harper Lee, as they exploit cold-blooded killers, race against time, and escape Boss Hogg in a series of hilarious adventures that will change the way you think about cars diving over ravines.
Frances McDormand, North Country McDormand plays Glory, a spunky Minnesotan coal miner who doesn't act or sound anything like the spunky Minnesotan sheriff from Fargo, for which she already won an Oscar. Her mitterns are totally a different color, for one.
Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener Weisz is Tessa Quale, a shrill font of privileged white liberal guilt who marries an ambassador so she can go to Africa and save the world. Luckily for the viewer, she's brutally murdered in the first ten minutes. Hooray!
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain The slutty chick from Dawson's Creek is all grown up and married to a gay cowboy. Life imitates art, as Williams managed to get Heath Ledger's baby batter into her some five minutes after she stepped onto the set.

WHO OUGHTTA WIN

Karla: Nobody will care, less will remember. Unless Adrian Brody actually mounts and penetrates the winner on stage.

Jay: You need to pick someone.

Karla: Frances McDormand, then.

Jay: Keeping with my proposed Batman Begins Oscar sweep, I'd be forced to pick Katie Holmes for this category. And since that's lunacy, my pick is: Cillian Murphy, Batman Begins.

Karla: This is getting creepy.

Jay: Go get your Cillian mask.

And Finally (Drumroll): Best Picture

 

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