We know what you're thinking: "Wait, the summer movie season isn't over yet?"
Nope. In fact, we're barely at the halfway mark. But with the current pump-'em-out weekly blockbuster release pace, and the frenetic advertising carpet-bombing we've endured for each, you'd be forgiven for wishing it was September already.
And hey, why shouldn't it be? Below, we've taken a look at the rest of the summer blockbuster crop, and given some compelling reasons why you should stay indoors until September.
1Live Free or Die Hard (June 27)
Bruce Willis, Justin Long
The Case For: Maybe we're just burned out on all the pasty twentysomethings named "Tobey" and "Skeet" starring in our action movies for the last decade, all of whom look like Bruce Willis could bench-press them while eating a sandwich, but we'll come right out and say it: We miss invulnerable supercop John McClane. We would like to see this man drive a car into a helicopter.
The Case Against: Twelve years ago, Willis couldn't make Die Hard: With a Vengeance work as a buddy cop flick with a genuine badass like Samuel L. Jackson. It'd be nothing short of a miracle if he manages to pull it off with hipster doofus Justin Long, a sassy kidnapped daughter, and a PG-13 rating here.
Verdict: "Hi! I'm an aging action star with no real grasp on the basis of his fans' love for his own franchise!"
"And I'm a Mac!"
If We'd Made It: We'd have cast Bruce's real-life daughter Rumer Willis as Lucy McClane and his ex-wife's young new husband Ashton Kutcher as her lover. You'd get to spend the whole two hours watching Bruce Willis slowly going legitimately insane, and they probably would have had to finish the movie with body doubles after he finally snapped and beat Kutcher to death in the middle of filming.
2License to Wed (July 3)
John Krasinski, Mandy Moore, Robin Williams
The Case For: Let's remake Anger Management with Robin Williams in the Jack Nicholson role! They're both winners of the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, after all, and Robin Williams is one of the most successful comedic actors on the planet. Plus, the kids seem to like that Krasinski guy from whatever TV show he's in.
The Case Against: We'd always assumed that Robin Williams was one of those comedians whom our parents (who don't watch TV and have only the vaguest understanding of who Jon Stewart or Seth Rogen are) probably find side-splittingly hilarious. We phoned them to confirm this, though, and it turns out they find him grating and upsetting too.
Verdict: Who's the audience for a Robin Williams movie these days? Is there one? Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay? Show of hands: Who even bothered to see Man of the Year, Robin Williams' vanilla attempt last year to impersonate Jon Stewart? Show of hands: Who thinks it might have made more sense to cast Jon Stewart?
If We'd Made It: We'd stop forcing talented up-and-comers to earn their paychecks by propping up Williams' sagging, deflated career. (Not only is The Office's Krasinski in License, but so are three other actors from the show; Arrested Development's G.O.B. and Buster appeared in RV; and Lewis Black still hasn't regained the credibility he lost in Man of the Year.) From now on, genuinely funny comedians star in comedies. Robin Williams gets to cater them.
If he balks at that, Robin Williams gets to stay at home in his pajamas and entertain his family with his gay hairdresser routines.