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8 Summer Blockbusters Guaranteed to Disappoint
We know what you're thinking: "Wait, the summer movie season isn't over yet?" Nope. In fact, we're barely at the halfway mark. But with the current pump-'em-out weekly blockbuster release pace, and the frenetic advertising carpet-bombing we've endured for each, you'd be forgiven for wishing it was September already. And hey, why shouldn't it be? Below, we've taken a look at the rest of the summer blockbuster crop, and given some compelling reasons why you should stay indoors until September. #1.
Live Free or Die Hard (June 27)
The Case For: Maybe we're just burned out on all the pasty twentysomethings named "Tobey" and "Skeet" starring in our action movies for the last decade, all of whom look like Bruce Willis could bench-press them while eating a sandwich, but we'll come right out and say it: We miss invulnerable supercop John McClane. We would like to see this man drive a car into a helicopter. The Case Against: Twelve years ago, Willis couldn't make Die Hard: With a Vengeance work as a buddy cop flick with a genuine badass like Samuel L. Jackson. It'd be nothing short of a miracle if he manages to pull it off with hipster doofus Justin Long, a sassy kidnapped daughter, and a PG-13 rating here. Verdict: "Hi! I'm an aging action star with no real grasp on the basis of his fans' love for his own franchise!"
"And I'm a Mac!" If We'd Made It: We'd have cast Bruce's real-life daughter Rumer Willis as Lucy McClane and his ex-wife's young new husband Ashton Kutcher as her lover. You'd get to spend the whole two hours watching Bruce Willis slowly going legitimately insane, and they probably would have had to finish the movie with body doubles after he finally snapped and beat Kutcher to death in the middle of filming. |
23 Comments
Sarah, that's the point : in any given trilogy one of the movies will suck. For Indiana Jones it was number 2. By the way, as expected, the Simpson movie was nothing but a two part episode put end to end.
Sarah
I thought "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" was the 3rd installment... and was better than the godawful Temple of Doom...
YES!!!, TAKE THAT,SIMPSONS MOVIE!
YES!!!, TAKE THAT,SIMPSONS MOVIE!
This is good movies and music is vies vies good
watch full movies anime tv and cartoons at http://www.tvokay.com it is free for you to stream and download......check it out
Floydftw
Licence to wed wasn't that great but Robin Williams is still an amazing actor. He is one of my favourites.
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James
I'm a lier. I hadn't seen the movie yet when I made my first post. Transformers was great. The entire second half of the movie is giant robot fights which include swords, decapitation, guns, missles, lazers, and the best CGI implemented in a film to date. I appologize for being an idiot.
James
Transformers was spot on, Bourne ultimatum couldn't be any more off. Bourne Ultimatum was probably the best third installment of a movie i've ever seen. Transformers was the most awful shit i've seen in my life. To anyone that hasn't seen transformers, Remember when you cringed during the scene in jurassic park where the little girl "hacks" the computer? I got that same cringe-induced expression of horror for 2 straight hours during Transformers. And to really pile teh shit on, it featured at least 45 minutes of dialogue regarding the even steven's kid and his romantic interest.
LOL
Just to add... he was right about license to wed. Robin Williams has gone downhill since the days of his early stand-up. The Bourne Ultimatum was great, Rush Hour 3 and Die Hard were okay. Far from being disappointing though.
LOL
This article wasn't funny until after the movies came out and proved him wrong. The movies on this list all ended up being pretty decent. Transformers in particular was fuckin' amazing.
Adam Sandler and Kevin James were in Harry and Larry? Who knew? I thought everyone else was there to watch Jessica Biel jiggle around for two hours.
mr.wrinkles
Wow you are a fucking moron, i'm sorry your girlfriend broke up with you because you had a 4 inch penis. Transformers is a kick ass movie, why dont you hit the gym and go get some fresh air instead of sitting in your lair o' gay apartment.
Freak_c
Yeah funny reading back on this as Transformers was Transformers, talking and fighting megatron.
Steviepunk
funny reading back on this, the Transformers do talk, and you do get a fully nude Bart... bet you didn't see that coming!
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davo
simpsons movie = shit