Hi, it's us! The people who spend money on your movies. Please stop making the same ones over and over again. We've seen the same recycled formulas year after year after year-and frankly, we're tired of it.
It's not that we think you're completely useless, just... you know, mostly. We'll admit, you've delivered a few gems recently. Transformers, for example, stumbled upon a refreshing formula: Namely, Giant Robots Fighting Each Other + Megan Fox Standing Around Looking Awesome:
Now that is a formula we can get behind, (if she'll let us. Pow!). You have our permission and, in fact, encouragement to exploit that particular format for a few more years. These next six formulas, however, we never want to see again.
6Ultra-Masculine Action Star Gets Stuck With Small Child or Children
Who's Doing It Next: In The Game Plan, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plays Joe Kingman, a successful quarterback who's whole bachelor lifestyle gets turned around when he finds out (gasp) he has a seven-year-old daughter! No professional athlete has ever balanced his career AND a family. This should get pretty wild, folks!
Who Did It Best: Kindergarten Cop. Maybe because it was one of the first of its kind, or maybe it's because Schwarzenegger, with his enormous arms, indecipherable accent and near-constant shouting, is just so naturally frightening that you better believe his little co-stars were crying in between takes. We wouldn't be surprised if some of them still have nightmares about the giant, gibberish-spewing Frankenstein that, for a few months, spent every single day screaming at them.
Who Did It Worst: The Pacifier. Our deciding factor:
The scene features Vin Diesel's sensitive and dramatic side and serves as a painful reminder as to why most of Diesel's movies focus more on his kicking-ass and blowing-things-up side. Also, the connection Mr. Diesel shares with the little girl he's sworn to protect is cause for alarm. When he holds her close, you can practically hear the wheels turning in his head as he struggles to find innovative loopholes for that pesky Megan's Law.
Why It Needs To Stop: We don't watch action movies for the subtle nuances of the heroes' performances-which is a good thing, because 10 out of 10 action stars cannot act to save their mother. This is never more apparent than when you remove the Terminator's gun and replace it with a baby.