4Young, Hip, (Read: Black) Guy Invades Typically White World
Who's Doing It Next: In Who's Your Caddy?, rapper Big Boi stars as rapper C-Note, a streetwise cat who tries to obtain membership to an elite country club that is, apparently, populated exclusively by people who would rather believe black people didn't exist.
Who Did It Best: Trading Places. Not just because it's so funny that we'll look the other way when Eddie Murphy sleeps with transvestites and makes Norbit, but because it was smarter than all of the black-meets-white comedies that came after. It didn't rely on having a bunch of monocle-sporting, white aristocrats dance poorly and awkwardly say words like "dawg" and "jiggy" to get laughs. It had things like "plot" and "character arcs," things that have been ignored by copycats trying to be hipper and edgier.
Who Did It Worst: We're calling this one early for Who's Your Caddy? Not only does it feature a tired formula that we were sick of back when Chris Rock was doing it, but it's also about fucking golf. Oh, and Jeffrey Jones (the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and probably some other movies) is in it, and we're pretty sure we heard somewhere that he was a pederast.
Why It Needs To Stop: If we wanted to see a fast-talking black guy infiltrate a world that still thinks black people will eventually just disappear, we'd watch Trading Places. If we wanted to watch that same exact premise but throw in a rapper or two, we'd watch How High. If we wanted a movie with the same black-meets-white premise, plus rappers and golf, we'd watch The Legend of Bagger Vance.
3Brilliant Musician Rises, Falls and Finds Redemption
Who's Doing It Next: Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez bring us El Cantante, even though we didn't ask for it, don't know who it's about and won't see it. Evidently, it's about the man who brought salsa music to America. We'll remember that when we're watching absolutely anything else we can find.
Who Did It Best: We're waiting for Judd Apatow's biopic send-off Walk Hard starring John C. Reilly, due out later this year. Paul Rudd plays John Lennon. Jack Black plays Paul McCartney. We're not too worried about any of the other details of this film.
Who Did It Worst: Ray. He played piano and did a whole lot of drugs. We get it. This movie would have been perfect if it hadn't been needlessly dragged out for almost three goddamn hours. Also, this movie has made it increasingly difficult to sell our script, Blind Fury 4: The Stevie Wonder Story.
Why It Needs To Stop: Ambitious star makes big, finds coke, hits rock bottom, climbs back to the top. Is there one musician who didn't follow this format? There's got to be at least one. Let's make that movie and break up the monotony a little bit.