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5 Movie Quotes That Must Be Stopped

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Movie quotes are occasionally useful. Last week, when Paris Hilton claimed that she didn't "deserve" her jail sentence, there's nothing we wanted more than to stand over her like Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven and whisper, "Deserve's got nothing to do with it, mister." These five phrases from recent comedies, on the other hand, have all become cultural shorthand for, "I'm smart enough to remember what that one guy said that one time, but just barely bright enough to breathe without a machine."

5. "C'mon, Focker!" (Or any sentence that ends in "...Focker!")

Origins: Focker quotes were inane from the moment Robert De Niro uttered them in the feature-length SNL skits known as Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers . We'd explain the line, but that would ruin the only joke in both movies. Meanwhile, we've contacted the producers and are hoping they'll pay us a bunch of money for our screenplay, My Name is Schmidthead.

Common Usage: Any time when you want to say "fuck" but are afraid of being naughty. Basically, first through third grades. After that, if you can't get past the thrill of almost saying a curse word, chances are you're never going to need to know what the verb form of the word "fuck" means anyways.

4. "Shake and bake!"

Origins: It's not just dinner for poor people anymore. "Shake and bake" is also the victorious catchphrase of racecar driver Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights: That Will Ferrell Movie With Cars.

Common Usage: Usually delivered with a fist bump, "shake and bake" is like a Forrest Gump quote mixed with a high five. It shows your friends that you think of yourself as a semi-retarded NASCAR driver, and that you hold them in the same high regard. Sprinkling a "shake and bake" in while dishing out the celebratory fist bumps lets everyone in the room know that your last big win was completing the Tri-Force (in "The Legend of Zelda," but you knew that).

3. "Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [Motorboat sound] You motorboatin' son of a bitch. You old sailor, you."

Origins: If Wedding Crashers has any flaws, it's that the movie's only conflict is that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson's characters get too much trim. If we wanted to worry about something completely implausible that will never affect us, we'd go watch An Inconvenient Truth. The only realistic aspect of the movie is that even when he's ankle deep in labia, Vaughn still gets excited to talk about boobs, as in this oft quoted passage.

Common Usage: Sure, you could recite this quote when a friend of yours mentions a recent hookup. He'll probably reply, "Oh, I get it, that's from that movie Wedding Crashers." And you will in turn say, "Yup!" And then the two of you will sit around in a haze of awkward, stultifying stupidity for the rest of the night.

A better way to use it is any time your dad starts a sentence with "Me and your mom"¦" That'll be sure to liven up Thanksgiving dinner. Especially if your mom has great tits.

2. "You know how I know you're gay?"

Origins: The 40-Year Old Virgin may have launched Steve Carell's career, but the improvised scenes between Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen are among its most memorable moments, particularly the video game playing, trash-talking exchange of "Y'know how I know you're gay?"

Of course, anyone who uses this quote will be quick to remind you that they don't have anything against gay people. They're not talking about GAY, gay. Just"¦y'know"¦ gay. C'mon, you know what they mean. Quit being so gay.

Common Usage: Anytime someone uses this line, things usually devolve into what amounts to a stupider, whiter version of the MTV show Yo Mamma. Read that last sentence again, and then try to resist the urge to punch a total stranger in the face. The one potential upside is the possibility that some jackass will at some point in the future, say this to someone who actually is gay. Sure, he may feel witty in front of his boys, but he's probably not going to have anything to say that will top the response of, "Because I just had sex with you in a Porta-John?"

1. "Eees NIIIIIICE,"or "My Seeestehr"¦"or "Een My Coun-tehr-ee"

Origins: You know where it comes from, so we don't have to go into it. Don't get us wrong, we thought Borat was genius. But what no one has really examined is Sacha Baron Cohen's brilliance as a linguist. The man may very well have created the first language in which every sentence, when quoted by Americans, translates roughly to, "I am a total douchebag."

Proper Usage: Borat quotes are meant to be delivered in an Eastern Bloc accent hackish enough to make Yakov Smirnoff ululate. Many people believe that the proper response to a Borat quote is another Borat quote, but this is actually incorrect. Modern etiquette and social responsibility demand that the quoter receive a swift testicle drubbing, lest he reproduce.

Read more of Zach's stuff over at his blog UnderpantsOnTheOutside.com.




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13 Comments

The word is GHEY, assclown...
You're "GHEY", not "GAY".

Usurping the traditional term GAY to take the homosexual meaning out and leaving in the lame.

Posted on 8/2/2008 10:10:02 AM

parodies of "Luke, I am Your Father" are going around WAY too much.

Posted on 7/15/2008 7:05:43 AM

anyone who would quote the above would be doing it to themsleves wouldn't they? people with friends don't quote friggin Borat

Posted on 7/14/2008 11:02:23 PM

Don't get me wrong I often, enthusiatically enjoy reading your articles, but dont you think maybe this one is a bit pretentious? It seems you're writing it for people who are as pompous as you make the article sound. When in fact you remembered all of these quotes and then instead of laughing about how funny they "were" and not writing an article about it you decided to write an article and reduce them to an ignorant pop-culture phenomenon and then act like you never uttered one of them to your friends or in the mirror just to make yourself laugh.

Posted on 7/1/2008 8:31:23 PM

no this is sparta is actually a pretty good quote it`s just that it get`s really annoying when douchebags yell it out repetadly

Posted on 6/8/2008 7:13:49 AM

teh anon

Am I really the only one who thinks that "This Is Sparta!" should be on this list?

Posted on 3/14/2008 5:14:33 AM

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Posted on 1/15/2008 9:33:01 AM

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Posted on 1/15/2008 7:25:21 AM

momma

"What's the soup du jour?"
"It's the soup-o-the day."
"That sounds good, I'll have that"

Posted on 1/11/2008 11:39:31 AM

davo

agreed Fred. Spiderpig is the final nail in the 9 year coffin that is the simpsons

Posted on 1/1/2008 9:48:37 PM

yea, "DUDE!!?!?! ITS A FUCKING SPIDERPIG"

Posted on 10/31/2007 6:45:47 AM

Fred

Spiderpig needs to be added to this list. If I ever hear that goddamn song again I swear I will murder someone.

Posted on 10/30/2007 2:51:40 AM

SquallyD

Easy ways to decide whether to repeat a quote: A) if you heard that very same quote at least one other time that day from someone you would be embarrassed to hang out with.
B)You heard that quote at least 3 times in one day from more than 2 people.
C) You heard the quote spoken by a news anchor/morning show host/your mom

Posted on 10/18/2007 2:59:37 PM

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