5 Kick-Ass Action Movies That Are Pure Propaganda

Red Dawn

The Plot
Patrick Swayze IS Jed Eckert, some dumbass in a pickup truck. When Jed's small Midwestern town is invaded by the combined forces of the Cuban and Russian armies, it's up to Jed to lead a small group of teenagers up into the mountains to hide like little bitches. When the commies decide to kill the families of all those little bitches, though, they awake a sleeping midget. We mean that figuratively, by the way. What we mean literally is that Jed and his band of teenagers turn to guerrilla warfare as their only recourse against the mighty communist alliance that holds their town in an unnecessarily iron fist. Who wouldn't?

The Message
Now, Can You Maybe Understand the Plight of the Brave Afghani Freedom Fighters?

They gave us one hell of a political allegory, a "What if it happened to you?" case that drops the 80's Soviet's invasion of Afghanistan right smack in the center of the American Midwest. Where Afghanistan had the Mujahideen insurgents to fight off the reds, America has a high-school football team called the Wolverines. If you can't identify with these kids at least a little bit, then you probably kick bald eagles and use Old Glory to wipe the borscht from your chin.

Man, insurgents are so fucking cool.

Significant Quote
"In time, this war, like every other war, ended. But I never forgot. And, I come to this place often, when no one else does. 'In the early days of World War III, guerrillas, mostly children, placed the names of their lost upon this rock. They fought here alone and gave up their lives so that this nation shall not perish from the earth.'"-Erica (A young Lea Thompson)

Bonus Message
Your handgun is not going to save your ass. At least in the sense that your "They can have my gun when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers" bumper sticker ...

... is just going to make you look stupid when the Russians parachute out of the sky with AK-47s, mow you down and actually do pry your gun from your cold, dead fingers.

Yeah, but Do They Still Blow Some Shit Up?
Yeah, they do that. Within the first few minutes, they fire a rocket launcher into a fucking high school. The rest of the movie is pretty much an escalating chain of rockets, bombs and grenades. Lots of gunfire, too, and a hell of a lot more blood than you'd expect from a movie with a PG rating.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!