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It's Hard Out Here for a Lame Headline

When Three 6 Mafia won the Academy Award for Best Song with "It' Hard Out Here for a Pimp," they captured not only the hearts of a grateful nation for crushing Dolly Parton, but also the minds of the media, who love to shoehorn popular phrases into their stories, no matter how awkward. Here are a few examples from the last few months, along with their estimated Actual Relation to Pimpitude (ARP) ratings. Please note that these are all real quotes from real articles. Really.


Actually, in this scenario, America would be kind of like the john who bangs Iraq, points out the window and yells "Hey what' that," then runs out of the room without leaving money while Iraq' head is turned.
ARP: MODERATE



Ah, yes, Ann Coulter writing about how she hates Hollywood for the millionth freaking time. I'm pretty sure Alan Keyes is the closest she' ever come to meeting an actual pimp.
ARP: VERY LOW


"You know it' hard out here for a pinup," Detroit Free Press, 3.31.06
They get points for, at the very least, using a similar-looking word. Also, the item is about Anna Benson, who will likely end up doing escort work at some point.
ARP: HIGH



When I think of a "pimp," the first thing that jumps into my head is a defense contractor from Chevy Chase who doesn't want to bother with the drive down to an Orioles game.
ARP: VERY LOW



Actually, the white slavery ring run out of Kellogg' in the Mid 70s-Late 80s is one of the best kept secrets of the breakfast cereal industry. Many don't know that the original Snap and Crackle were killed by King Vitamin during a vicious turf battle in 1987. Pop' teardrop tattoos tell the tale to this day.
ARP: HIGH


"It' hard out here for a"¦ Hilton?" Spokane Spokesman-Review 3.31.06
Paris Hilton? Too easy. Next.
ARP: MODERATE



The reviewer of Irish author M.J. Hyland' novel about an obsessive-compulsive12-year-old with an alcoholic father must have seen the obvious parallel in Three 6 Mafia' lyrics:
"That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah"
See? Very similar themes.
ARP: MODERATE


"It' hard out here for a pet," Gothamist, 3.29.2006
Boy, oh boy- there' no smoother marriage of pop culture and news than a song about pimps mixed in with tales of pet abuse and/or sickness! Holla!
ARP: DISTURBINGY LOW



At least our democratic system is a hooker with a heart of gold. No matter how many times you slap her, she'll come back. Hopefully.
ARP: VERY HIGH


Obviously, the reviewer has never seen the much-maligned 1973 classic "Shalom, Sucka!" starring Rudy Ray Moore as the prophet Elijah. An electrifying performance, said to have been one of Simon Weisenthal' favorite films.
ARP: LOW


"You Know it' Hard out Here for a Blog," Sfist, 3.2.2006
The pimp' life- sitting in a dark room, pasty face lit up by the glow of the monitor while you post another 2000 words to your livejournal page about why The Simpsons hasn't been any good since 1998, in the hopes that someone else other than your mom will read it this time.
ARP: OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE SCALE


Oddly enough, there' a precedent for using a rap lyric in writing about a CGI-animated children' film. In 1991, the late Gene Siskel opened his negative review of "Toy Story" with the sentence "Bitches made of plastic ain't shit."
ARP: LOW


"It' hard out here for a Fugee," Chicagoist, 4.6.06
Come on, man. It' a goddamned Fugee!
ARP: HELL YES
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