The Star: Bruce Willis, fresh off of filming Armageddon. So fresh, in fact, he didn't bother returning his wardrobe.
The Product: Eneos, a Japanese gas station that Willis surely would have filled up at during the overseas press tour for Hudson Hawk. If there had, you know, been an overseas press tour for Hudson Hawk.
The Japanese Director' Pitch: "You drive into American Western cowboy town. The dust is oppressing. Trunk opens to reveal powerful fuel pack, which you strap to back. Then, running! Screaming! You donate very large energy. Ha ha ha, victory! To camera you finally instruct, 'Move on.' Also, your character is ghost the whole time."
The Star: Charles Bronson, in a role we simply cannot imagine another actor playing. Namely because this character wears a thin moustache, handles a gun and is named "Mr. Bronson."
The Product: A swinging '70s skin tonic called Man Dom. We offer no jokes for this, as they would all fall short of the comedy inherent in a lotion called MAN DOM.
The Japanese Director' Pitch: "Mr. Bronson, when camera rolls just be yourself. Do normal things, like enter apartment and immediately rip off shirt. Maybe throw shirt up to ceiling. Light one of your dozen pipes. Then, splash on Man Dom! Feel coolness like repeated bullets against skin. Listen for sound of horse! Then, sit. Relax. Mmm…you are in Man Dom. (pause) Mr. Bronson? Please put down gun."