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The 10 Most Dead People of 2006

By Peter Lynn January 3, 2007 77,547 views
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Many celebrities died this past year. But who's the most dead? As usual, CRACKED is on top of things. In fact, we're so on top of things that we've already gotten a jump start on ranking next year's Most Dead list. Which beloved stars of stage and screen have we personally cut down in the full bloom of youth so far? Wait and see! For now, here are CRACKED's 10 Most Dead People of 2006.

(Only kidding. We haven't actually murdered any celebrities yet this year. But if we had, we would have started with Jim Belushi.)


Don Knotts

When you think about down-home TV lawmen whose methods may have been unconventional but still got results, one name comes to mind: Marshal Sam McCloud, as ably portrayed by the likable Dennis Weaver, who also died this year, sadly.

But just as likable and unconventional was Don Knotts' bumbling deputy Barney Fife, who got no results whatsover—unless you count making every single episode of the otherwise slow-moving Andy Griffith Show in which he appeared eminently watchable. Of course, you may also know him as nosy Lothario landlord Ralph Furley from Three's Company or from roles in such poultry-themed projects as The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, Robot Chicken, and Chicken Little.

He was a flat-out comic genius—as well as some kind of human-chicken hybrid, evidently. Frankly, it's a surprise lung cancer claimed his life, rather than avian flu. 

Jack Palance

It was sad to see the rugged, tougher-than-rawhide, one-handed-pushup-doing cowboy actor hang up his tack this year, but on the other hand, the road is now clear for treasure hunters seeking to pursue the legend of Curly's gold.

Speaking of City Slickers, Bruno Kirby died this year too, come to think of it. Not to be mean, but why not Billy Crystal? Let's be honest: Billy Crystal hasn't been funny in years. Let's get rid of him before Analyze This and Analyze That are inevitably followed by Analyze the Other Thing. That's a trilogy to which we just don't need closure. Instead, why not get closure on that trio of Comic Relief hosts? We don't need Billy Crystal. No one's going to miss Whoopi Goldberg. And it's pretty much universally agreed at this point that Robin Williams has got to go. Get to work, Death. 

Chris Penn

Penn's passing was undeniably a sad example of an enormous acting talent cut down far too soon, but on the bright side, at least we won't have to put up with a few things we won't miss. All that wife-beating and punching out of photographers. The obvious Oscar-bait roles in which he played retarded guys and politicians even though the movies themselves were actually pretty awful. His intolerable humorlessness, self-righteousness, and strident political activism, which only made him look foolish in his dust-ups with Chris Rock and the South Park guys. Nobody likes the war on Iraq or Hurricane Katrina, but on the other hand, if this douchebag is against them, can they really be all that bad?

Oh wait. That's his brother, Sean Penn. Chris Penn was Nice Guy Eddie in Reservoir Dogs, not to mention Kevin Bacon's sidekick in Footloose, the guy who couldn't dance a lick but was still an underrated screen presence who made everything he was in better. Shoot. We liked that one. 

Ah, the death of Saddam Hussein. Truly, the happiest thing to come from this war.

12/13/2008 7:16:00 PM
DarkRubberDucky

"anyone who thinks he "had it coming" is jealous because there's no way in hell their p***y ass would be running *towards* a 15 foot long crocodile"

Running towards a 15 foot long crocodile is pretty much exactly what it means to 'have it coming'. Dumbass.

12/3/2008 10:22:35 PM
Tiberius

Ten "Most" dead people? C'mon you guys. You make me sick, but you're right. They are sooo totally dead.


Hussien is allowed back anytime, I mean just look at those cute little eyes!

11/1/2008 7:34:46 PM
OliviaSFA

dude, i totally loved steve irwin... i'd go over to my grandmother's house (i didn't have cable) specially to watch his show, lol.

10/19/2008 7:49:46 PM
bibliophilica

i wouldnt have phrased it "had it coming", mandible, but c'mon...no one could seriously watch Steve Irwin's shows for any length of time and not think "he's gonna get himself killed doin this stuff one of these days"

perhaps people think he had it coming b/c he shoulda seen it coming, we sure did.
course we assumed something a little more dangerous than a sting ray would get him...making his passing both predictable and ironic(which should by definition be impossible).

9/24/2008 3:28:19 AM
aeyrhed

Steve Irwin was a half-decent environmentalist, but he espoused the stupid view that Australian soil had 'gotten used to' cattle grazing and the associated deforestation. Seriously.

5/27/2008 2:23:16 AM
Black-Velvet

dude steve irwin was an *actual* environmentalist as in 1. he knew what he was doing and 2. he helped animals rather than f*****g things up worse for them like most people who call themselves environmentalists. and he was a great family man and not afraid of a f*****g thing. anyone who thinks he "had it coming" is jealous because there's no way in hell their p***y ass would be running *towards* a 15 foot long crocodile

4/1/2008 5:07:36 AM
mandible_claw

NOOOOO!!! Not "The Ghost & Mr. Chicken"!

3/3/2008 1:23:26 PM
Luigifan

Ahahahaha!

You liked footloose!

hahahahahahahahahahaha... ah man.

Thats the funniest part of this article.

11/26/2007 8:49:36 AM
Dingelberry
Cracked stuff on