Selections from Lindsay Lohan"s AA Diary

January 3, 2006

Oh man, I was so WASTED last night! I must have done like a dozen tequila poppers or more. Maybe ten! Anyway, after the club, I tried to go to Jason’s after-party, but I took my own car and ended up in some weird gymnasium. There were these folding chairs in a circle and I thought NO WAY! What kind of a lame ass party is this? Duck, Duck, Goose? But this old dude with a clipboard told me to sit down.

Look at me! I'm a photographer!

Then they asked me why I was there and after I told them about the party, they all got really quiet. One guy said I had to the leave because you couldn’t be drunk at meetings, but the guy with the clipboard said he thought I needed help so I could stay. Anyway, I fell asleep after that and a nice dude drove me home. I must have tried to change into my pajamas in my sleep because when I woke up in his crappy Honda, my underwear was on backwards. I’m SO curious now, I HAVE to go back. Maybe I’ll pretend to have a drinking problem.

It will be like I am practicing acting. Right now my acting is adequite but I want it to be really adequite.

January 6, 2006

So I hit my second meeting and that same dude who wanted me to leave last time yelled at me AGAIN! RUDE. He got all pissy because I brought beer with me for afterwards. I said I thought you only weren’t allowed to drink AT THE MEETINGS. Clipboard guy made me leave. I’m determined to go now!

January 26, 2006

Production on Herbie Fully Loaded drains me so much as an actor. It is such a challenging role. I had to have like a bunch of choco martinis just to calm down after shooting today. When I went to the meeting tonight, I told them booze had ruined my life because I thought my ass was getting fat. Clipboard dude told me to go home and do some thinking.

Look at me! I'm a race car driver! Vrrrroooom.

March 14, 2006

The insurance dude on Praire Home Companion lectured me again and said he wouldn’t insure me if I kept showing up drunk. I told him I sober up 2 P.M. usually. It’s not my fault that shooting starts at 8 A.M.

But that just made him angry so then I’m like, hey, I already have help. I’m in A.A.! At first, he didn’t believe me, but then I told him about the meetings and all the people there and their names and where they live and what they do for a living. And then I realized that our Director of Photography was at those meetings too. I knew he looked familiar! So I called him over. He denied it at first but I screamed until he admitted it was all true.

May 17, 2006

I swear, I am going to kill that Brandon Davis. Right after I do those USO shows and do my movie with Hilary Clinton. And start a talk show with Al Gore. I know I can. I can, if I ASK! It’s there and waiting and these people want to be with me to do this things and Peace will come if we ASK!

But then I will kill Brandon. I will kill him for that Firecrotch shit. No one talked to me today at A.A. They all just stared between my legs for the whole meeting and smirked. Even the clipboard dude was staring.

November 15, 2006

Paris is one dead bitch.

November 16, 2006

I love Paris. We did jello shots at JJ’s! No meeting.

Paris: She's the best. Or the worst. I can't remember.

November 28, 2006

I didn’t go to my meeting today. I just heard Robert Altman is dead. That is SO sad. He was a genius. I know I’ve seen one of his movies. Think! Think! Groundhog Day? Yeah, I loved that movie. I am so going to send the most thoughtful “Sorry You Died” text message ever!

December 13, 2006

My ass looked really fat this week and so I haven’t had a drink in 7 DAYS. I also had an interview and told People magazine that I’d been in A.A. for a year. Later, the clipboard dude asked me if I could stop telling people my success story. He’s just jealous.

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