Oh man, I was so WASTED last night! I must have done like a dozen tequila poppers or more. Maybe ten! Anyway, after the club, I tried to go to Jason’s after-party, but I took my own car and ended up in some weird gymnasium. There were these folding chairs in a circle and I thought NO WAY! What kind of a lame ass party is this? Duck, Duck, Goose? But this old dude with a clipboard told me to sit down.
Look at me! I'm a photographer!
Then they asked me why I was there and after I told them about the party, they all got really quiet. One guy said I had to the leave because you couldn’t be drunk at meetings, but the guy with the clipboard said he thought I needed help so I could stay. Anyway, I fell asleep after that and a nice dude drove me home. I must have tried to change into my pajamas in my sleep because when I woke up in his crappy Honda, my underwear was on backwards. I’m SO curious now, I HAVE to go back. Maybe I’ll pretend to have a drinking problem.
It will be like I am practicing acting. Right now my acting is adequite but I want it to be really adequite.
So I hit my second meeting and that same dude who wanted me to leave last time yelled at me AGAIN! RUDE. He got all pissy because I brought beer with me for afterwards. I said I thought you only weren’t allowed to drink AT THE MEETINGS. Clipboard guy made me leave. I’m determined to go now!
January 26, 2006
Look at me! I'm a race car driver! Vrrrroooom.
The insurance dude on Praire Home Companion lectured me again and said he wouldn’t insure me if I kept showing up drunk. I told him I sober up 2 P.M. usually. It’s not my fault that shooting starts at 8 A.M.
But that just made him angry so then I’m like, hey, I already have help. I’m in A.A.! At first, he didn’t believe me, but then I told him about the meetings and all the people there and their names and where they live and what they do for a living. And then I realized that our Director of Photography was at those meetings too. I knew he looked familiar! So I called him over. He denied it at first but I screamed until he admitted it was all true.
May 17, 2006
I swear, I am going to kill that Brandon Davis. Right after I do those USO shows and do my movie with Hilary Clinton. And start a talk show with Al Gore. I know I can. I can, if I ASK! It’s there and waiting and these people want to be with me to do this things and Peace will come if we ASK!
But then I will kill
November 15, 2006
November 16, 2006
Paris: She's the best. Or the worst. I can't remember.
November 28, 2006
I didn’t go to my meeting today. I just heard Robert Altman is dead. That is SO sad. He was a genius. I know I’ve seen one of his movies. Think! Think! Groundhog Day? Yeah, I loved that movie. I am so going to send the most thoughtful “Sorry You Died” text message ever!
December 13, 2006
My ass looked really fat this week and so I haven’t had a drink in 7 DAYS. I also had an interview and told People magazine that I’d been in A.A. for a year. Later, the clipboard dude asked me if I could stop telling people my success story. He’s just jealous.