Selections from Lindsay Lohan"s AA Diary

Production on Herbie Fully Loaded drains me so much as an actor. It is such a challenging role. I had to have like a bunch of choco martinis just to calm down after shooting today. When I went to the meeting tonight, I told them booze had ruined my life because I thought my ass was getting fat.  Clipboard dude told me to go home and do some thinking.

Look at me! I'm a race car driver! Vrrrroooom.

But that just made him angry so then I’m like, hey, I already have help. I’m in A.A.! At first, he didn’t believe me, but then I told him about the meetings and all the people there and their names and where they live and what they do for a living. And then I realized that our Director of Photography was at those meetings too. I knew he looked familiar! So I called him over. He denied it at first but I screamed until he admitted it was all true.

May 17, 2006

I swear, I am going to kill that Brandon Davis. Right after I do those USO shows and do my movie with Hilary Clinton. And start a talk show with Al Gore. I know I can. I can, if I ASK! It’s there and waiting and these people want to be with me to do this things and Peace will come if we ASK!

But then I will kill Brandon. I will kill him for that Firecrotch shit. No one talked to me today at A.A. They all just stared between my legs for the whole meeting and smirked. Even the clipboard dude was staring.

November 15, 2006

Paris is one dead bitch.

November 16, 2006

I love Paris. We did jello shots at JJ’s! No meeting.

Paris: She's the best. Or the worst. I can't remember.

November 28, 2006

I didn’t go to my meeting today. I just heard Robert Altman is dead. That is SO sad. He was a genius. I know I’ve seen one of his movies. Think! Think! Groundhog Day? Yeah, I loved that movie. I am so going to send the most thoughtful “Sorry You Died” text message ever!

December 13, 2006

My ass looked really fat this week and so I haven’t had a drink in 7 DAYS. I also had an interview and told People magazine that I’d been in A.A. for a year. Later, the clipboard dude asked me if I could stop telling people my success story. He’s just jealous.